I heard a new song last night via the Rob Squad. It’s James Blunt’s Monsters. I don’t usually fuck with JB because I find him annoying, but they said it was the most emotional reaction they’ve had. The song had me sobbing like a baby in part because JB is so raw in it and then has his dad in it (it’s a goodbye song to his father, a Stage 4 kidney failure. His father got a last-minute kidney transplant and is doing well, but it’s still an emotional song).
I watched a bunch of reactors watching the video, and the moment when the camera pans to show the father, well, most people lost it. The story is that James refused to have any kind of autotune in the video–it’s just him singing to his father. The raw emotion on his face and in his voice (plus the tears in his eyes) are just brutal. But, so honest. It’s not pretty. It’s not sanitized. It’s just…this man is saying goodbye to his father.
He has a unique voice, and it works for this song. The last part with his father is devastating. They look alike, and they have the same mannerisms. There’s a part when JB sings about putting his hand on his father’s arm, and then he breaks down. His father puts his hand on JB’s arm, and it’s just…I cried every time I saw it. Then, near the end, the choir kicks in and I bawl like a baby.
In tandem, I read a Slate advice column about someone who’s grandmother had dementia. She kept saying she wanted to die and it would be better when she was dead. The letter writer didn’t know how to deal with it and felt especially bad for his uncle (her son) who was her primary caretaker. He didn’t know what to do. He tried to reassure her that he was loved and all that, but it didn’t matter.
I can relate to that. My father is telling my mother on the daily that he wishes he were dead. After one argument in which he pushed her down, he got a knife, placed it on the table and told her to use it on him. And it hurts me. Because even though my mother has not been a good mother, she’s still a human being who doesn’t deserve this. She’s eighty years old! She’s worked hard all her life. She deserves to have a few years of peace.
Dementia doesn’t care about that. The commenters rightly point out that the grandmother doesn’t know what she’s saying. Or rather, tthat she’s not in her right mind. The commenters mentioned how shocking it was when their _____ (usually father) said they wanted to die while in hospice care–that was the other thing suggested.
Dementia sucks. It really does. It’s nasty, brutal, and has no regards for humanity. And yet. My father was already a narcissist and a jerk before getting it. He was already thin-skinned, paranoid, and, quite frankly, an all-around asshole. He doesn’t know anything about me, nor does he care to. This was before the dementia, I mean.