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Elden Ring is close to perfection–but not quite

When Elden Ring was released, there was a lot of talk about whether it was perfect or not. It got a bunch of 10s and has been called the GOAT (it’s taken for granted it’ll win GOTY). Ian and I have talked about it and he makes a compelling case for why it deserves a 10. I, on the other hand, will never give it a perfect score because of the usual From idiosyncrasies that get on my nerves. Yes, you can argue that they are incidental, but to me, perfection means no flaws. The irritants of Elden Ring add up to at least .3 if not up to .5. It’s still neck-and-neck with Dark Souls III as my favorite game of all time, but I don’t consider it perfect.

Here’s the thing. I don’t think anything is perfect. How can it be? There’s no such thingĀ  as perfect. So I can understand why people label something perfect even with flaws. I’m not like that, though. To me, perfection means it doesn’t have any big flaws, but this game does. Or rather, persistent flaws. And I need to get it off my chest. Also, I show love by criticizing. It’s in my blood and what I do. I am not one to gloss over the negatives. Indeed, I concentrate on them too much sometimes. But to me, it’s part of my love–the negatives. Or rather, that’s part of what makes the game what it is.

So. Here are the things that annoy the FUCK out of me in this game. Again, I consider this a 9.5 or so game. I want to put that out there so it doesn’t sound like I’m completely trashing it. It’s the best game of the year BY far and maybe the best game of all time. I want to state that up front so you know that I’m doing this out of love.

First and foremost, the platforming. I’ve ranted about this before, but non-platforming games should not include platforming because it uniformly sucks. Platforming is very precise and platforming games are designed by people who specifically understand the intricacies of platforming. In non-platforming games, it’s usually just thrown in for a laugh. Miyazaki loves him some platforming and it’s in every From game. And it uniformly sucks. Except in Sekiro because there is a grappling hook.

It’s even worse in Elden Ring because of Torrent. I love Torrent. He’s my buddy and he makes traveling so much easier. I love riding around on him, just exploring the hell out of the map. But. He’s no good for platforming. He doesn’t land where you want him to and he wanders a bit when you try to turn him around. He cannot stop on a dime, which is problematic in platforming. There is no precision on Torrent, which is frustrating as hell.


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