I want to talk more about remasters, remakes, and sequels. I talked about it a bit in the past post beacuse I was ranting about PlayStation closing Bluepoint Games. I did not think it got enough ink because of what happened the next day (Phil Spencer ‘retiring’ and Sarah Bond ‘resigning’–from Xbox.) It never fails. Every time PlayStation fucks up, Xbox is determined to one up them. It’s as if Xbox could not stand to give up the limelight for a second, even if it’s for a negative reason.
I’m tired. It’s hard being a ‘gamer’ these days. I put that in quotes beacuse I have never really concerned myself a gamer. I mean, I play games, yes, but I don’t like the whole gamer life. Come to think of it, I don’t like any fandom. It’s not a Groucho Marx thing (does anyone know who he is these days?), but just that I don’t like to conform to other people. I don’t like people telling me what to do, and I certainly don’t like people telling me what to think.
In addition, I can usually see all sides to things, which makes it hard for me to be a team player. Some people say I’m contrary. Some people would be right. Though I’m not contrary on purpose. What I mean is that I’m not doing it to be a dick. I’m not doing it just to be contrary. I just see things differently. I try to keep it to myself most of the time because I know it’s not welcome in polite company.
Side note: I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I learned at a very young age to hide my true feelings. I buried that shit deep because the reaction if I didn’t was very negative. It’s one reason I live alone. I can’t let my mask down if there is anyone else around. Even online. I put it on so automatically, it’s just a part of me by now. It’s only when I’m at home alone that I can be myself. Or when I had my cat/s. They accepted me as I was (as long as I fed them and gave them love, obviously).
I had never felt as accepted as I did by my cats. They were very different, but they both had positive feelings about me. In fact, I lived with both Raven and Shadow for nine years and with Shadow for an additional seven+ years. I lived with Shadow longer than I have with anyone else. I used to say Raven was my heart and Shadow was my soul.
It’s only in the last few months that I’ve even thought of adopting another cat, but every time, I start casually looking, my heart squeezes and says no. I know some people adopt new animal friends soon after losing one, but I just can’t. I wish I could because I think I would like to share my space again, but I just can’t.