Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: the end of things

Rabbit holes, obsessions, and when to leave them

Before I get into the topic of this post, I’m riding the blue wave that is happening across the country tonight. It’s the midterms, and Dems are flipping seats left and right. The (Republican) governor of Texas conceded to his Democratic opponent–who is a Latina. Gina Hinojosa. Greg Abbott had been governor since 2015–and it’s quite the shock that a Democrat won. Same in Georgia, except the winner was a black woman. Keisha Lance Bottoms. And, closer to home, Peggy Flanagon is the first Native American woman to be elected to the U.S. Senate, and I’m proud that I got to vote for her. I have more mixed emotions about our new governor, Amy Klobuchar, but it’s exciting to me that four out my five representatives (governor, US senator, US representative, MN rep, and MN Senator) wil be women. It also tickles me that Amy Klobuchar might be able to directly appoint her replacement once she becomes governor (she’s a US senator, currently).

As I read all the results about an hour ago, i let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. There had been rumblings that we would have a blue wave, but I didn’t dare to hope. Things were so bleak and terrible, I half-believed that tthere would be shenangians and the Republicans would steal everything.

Instead, the Dems have taken back the House and the Senate. Several key seats have flipped. As I noted above, the South has risen, and it’s become blue! Or at least purple with blue happening in key positions.

Now, on the one hand, this isn’t unusual when the current administration is doing a shitty job or the economy is tanking (or there’s a pandemic) for the opposing party to win key seats. However, what is unusual is who won these seats. There are a lot of ‘first ever’, and they are mostly women of color.

This reminds me of when the entire Saint Paul Congress-elect in 2024 were women. They still are. Six out of the seven are women of color, and they are all under forty. Now, the St. Paul mayor is a Hmong woman, KeohlyHer (started this year), and she’s the first female and the first Asian American mayor of Saint Paul. They all worked hard to do this, and it was historic.

I have hope for the first time in a long time. Normally, I would steel my heart against it, but I’m just riding it out this time. We fucking deserve it after the hellscape of the last two years, and I’m savoring every  minute. If it causes the orange-haired blowhard to have a meltdown, even better. I mean, he has one on the daily, anyway, so might as well get something out of it.

I am so pleased with the results for tonight. Of course I voted. It’s the least I can do. MN has one of the highest voter turnouts in the country (ranked first three times in the last decade, and usually in the top five), which makes me proud. My guess is that it’s in part because you can sign up to vote on election day at your polling station as long as you’re able to confirm your local address. It can be as easy as having a local registered voter confirming your address. Or a bill with your local address. Or a photo ID like a MN license. It’s so easy, and we want people to vote. Ahem.


Continue Reading

Why I don’t do groups

I have written often how one of my traits is that I reach the end of things. This is both because of my neurospiciness (hyperfocusing on one object/thing until I am suddenly done with it) and because of how I was raised (give until you can’t give any more). I was well-aware of the latter, and I knew it wasn’t a good thing. I talked about it with my therapist several times. She plainly told me it wasn’t a good thing, and I retorted that I knew that already. Oh, here’s the post from yesterday when I started down this path.

Side note: One of the most frustrating things about being pretty self-aware is that I can know what my flaws are, but I can’t always change them quickly if at all. My therapist said that thinking too much was what got me into trouble, and it wasn’t what got me out of it. But thinking was the only tool in my toolkit for so long–I felt lost without it.

I understood what she was trying to say, but every fiber of my being fought against it. I could think my way out of a problem, couldn’t I? I was nothing without my brain! I rebelled against her statement for much longer than I care to admit.

I felt vaguely ashamed for how into things I got before completely abandoning them because I thought it meant something was wrong with me. Also, I felt bad for wasting money on a hobby for months only to let it fall to the wayside completely without ever using/doing all of the hobbies. I remember a time when I was really into jigsaw puzzles. I bought so many of them, and I think I managed to do three or four of them. Granted, I got cats soon after, which made it nigh impossible to do jigsaw puzzles without keeping them out of the room.

I have gotten better to some extent. I haven’t given tons of money to a hobby that I quit in quite some time. One of my latest obsessions, weapons, has lasted for ten years and is an investment. Also, I practice my weapons every day, so it’s not as if I have stuffed all the weapons in my closet and tried to shove them out of my mind, too.

I have to be careful, though, because I want all the weapons. Right now! Some of them are defensible (nice double sabers) and others are not (double butterfly swords). I can’t learn all the weapon forms at one time so it doesn’t make sense to buy them now. And yet.

My inner toddler is pretty demanding. Also, I have the money to buy both items whether I’m going to use them or not. To be clear–I already have a pair of practice double sabers, and I do know the form. I just want the nice pair because they’re gorgeous. Also, because I prefer practicing with real weapons than with practice ones. The real ones feel weighty in my hands and have real heft. The practice ones are lighter and flimsy.


Continue Reading