In yesterday’s post, I was talking about how the Democrats are harping on the Republicans being weird. At first, I thought it was a good move (and I still do), but then it started annoying me. As I mentioned, I have been a weirdo all my life. I have never fit into any group, really, and I got comfortable being on the fringes of society. I embraced ‘weird’ as a descriptor and wore it like a badge of pride.
There was a time when I was defiant about it. Being weird was my cloak and my shield against the brutality of the world. Once I embraced it, I didn’t feel as defensive about it. I was rather proud of being different and staying true to myself.
Side note: On the inside. On the outside, I was constantly adapting and molding myself to societal norms. I am really good at social interactions beacuse I’ve spent so much time making myself that way. It was not an option,o and I have learned it to a fault. I am not displeased about it, to be honest, because it has made my interactions with the gen pub easier in general. I can talk about weather until the cows come home without even breaking a sweat.
In addition, I can read other people’s facial cues and body language to a ridiculous degree. Sometimes, too much so. I jump the gun and freak people out when I react to how they are going to act, even before they do or say anything.
This has been somethnig I’ve been doing all my life–constantly adapting to how others react to me. That’s not unusual in and of itself. Everybody does it to some extent. In my case, though, I felt like I started on square -100. I liked to joke that I was raised by wolves, but it was not far from the truth. My parents had no interest in American culture. Well, more to the point, my father didn’t so my mother was forced not to because of course she had to do whatever my father wanted.
Back to being weird. If I were to shuck off all my masks and just be myself, I would be labeled a huge weirdo. Again, I’m fine with that–on a theoretical level. Meaning, I’m fine with being a weirdo, but I’m not so sure I’m fine with being viewed as a weirdo. Or rather, I don’t want to stick out all the time. I was talking with A about color. She likes to wear bright pastels; I like to wear black. All black, all the time. Right before the pandemic hit, I decided I wanted to branch out a bit. I bought a deep red tunic top with flowers on it, and I planned on buying more colorful clothes. Then the pandemic hit, and I lost all interest in buying clothes. Plus, black goes with everything. There is no matching needed, really.
I would like to try again, I think. There are other colors I like. Deep red; burnt orange; earth brown; racing car green. Deep earth tones, in other words. When I was talking to A about it, I said that I was hiding in the background and wearing color would make me noticed. She said, “Is it always bad to be noticed?” I thought about it, and she was right. It’s not, but I have spent so much of my life trying to hide and not be noticed. I was so used to being not seen even when I was seen tha I didn’t want to be seen–if that makes sense.
Every time Harris or Walz says that Trump and/or Vance is weird, it’s a little dagger to my heart. “We’re the normal ones,” they seem to be saying. “We are not like them.”
Except I’m not normal. I am not married and I don’t have kids. I never wanted them, and I have no problem saying that out loud. I have a slew of issues that makes it dififcult for me to be out in the gen pop. I have fucking died (twice!) and come back to life (twice!). I’m (deep breath) Asian, bisexual, agender, areligious, nonmonogamous, aromantic, gluten-free/dairy-free, not interested in living with someone, and a lover of the cold.
I hate the State Fair for many reasons. Winter is my favorite season, and I don’t do outdoor activities. I don’t like movies or TV shows. I don’t like most pop culture, really. My tastes are so eclectic, even I can’t describe them for you. Take music. I’m mostly indie folk alt, but I also like a good pop song, some hard rock, and Euro-synth. I like songs more than I like artists, and they range from very popular songs to songs that no one but I have heard of.
I know part of politics is making your side more palatable to the masses so they will turn away from the other side. That’s the bottom line. You’re trying to make being a part of your group as more appealing as being a part of the other group. People like to think they’re logical about it, but they really aren’t. It’s an emotional pull one way or the other, and it would behoove us to admit it. That’s why the ads are targeted towards emotions and not facts.
Side note: Obama was the first and only candidate for president who made me feel included. He mentioned bisexuals and Asians while campaigning and nonreligious people in his inauguration. And with sincerity! The Asian part was because he has an Asian sister I would bet. Most people don’t even remember that Asian people exist. It’s the invisible race among the minorities. Same with the bisexuals–we are shit on/ignored by both sides. As for nonreligious, wvell, let’s just say that atheists are one of the most distrusted groups in America.
If I could be ‘normal’, would I? I’m not sure about that. While I’ve made my peace with who I am (and even like several parts of it), I can’t deny that life would be so much easier if I were more normal. When I was a teenager, I tried; I really did. I just could never pull it off so I stopped trying.