I want to talk more about weapon forms because I can. Here was yesterday’s post on the same subject. When I decided to teach myself the Double Fan Form, I naively thought that it wouldn’t be too difficult. After all, I taught the Fan Form to myself with relative ease.
Well, that’s not exactly correct. I did teach it to myself fairly effortlessly I thought. But then, a year or so later, I was going to teach myself the left side. I started running into places where I could not do it because I had been fudging it on the right side. This was roughly halfway through the form. I decided to go back to the video and refresh my memory.
Much to my surprise, I realized t hat I had forgotten whole chunks of the Fan Form. I remember teaching it to myself, but I had no memory of those missing postures themselves. There was a chunk in the middle of the form and another chunk at the end. I took a deep breath and taught the whole form to myself again. I took extra pains to make sure that I had it in my body and was not just fudging postures when I didn’t get them.
It’s hard because my teacher believes in learning the whole form first and then refining it after. Which is great when there’s the opportunity to practice it in class every week. However, when I’m doing it on my own, it’s harder. Yes, I can watch the videos I have in a pinch, but I will say that it doesn’t completely replace in-person teaching.
Also, the obvious problem with teaching myself is that I can’t see what I can’t see. What I mean is that I can’t tell when I’m making mistakes or not doing a posture right. Of course, I could do the form for my teacher–if she knows it. She does not know the Double Fan Form, which I’m making my way towards in this post.
Once I had the Fan Form in my body, I decided to teach myself the Double Fan Form. I also wanted to teach myself the Double Sword Form, but there’s no official form. I also wanted to finish teaching myself the Karambit Form, the Guandao Form, and I’m messing around with a Karambit/Fan Form.
That’s too much. While I can probably teach myself two forms at the same time, I don’t think I would do justice to either. Plus, it would probably take twice as long as it would to teach myself one. So, obviously, doing two back-to-back would take just as much time if not less than trying to teach myself two forms at once.
I’m so impatient, though. I’m like the kid in a candy store in that I want it all. Now! I have taught myself several different forms, or at least part of them. Wu-Li Dancing Sword, which is very short; halfish of the Karambit Form (I thought I had taught myself all but the very end); Fan Form; Cane Form (with the saber, so technically Saber Form); and the second half of the Double Saber Form. Oh, and I’ve taught myself the left side of the Sword Form, Saber Form, Cane Form, and Cane Form with the saber. Oh, and the last third or so of the Swimming Dragon Form, hands only, Bagua.
Obviously, I don’t practice every form every day. I didn’t even before I started burning out. But I still tried to do more than I didn’t, and it was too much. Once I cut back about a third of my practice, I felt so much better. And the forms felt fresher. There was a verve in my swerve that hadn’t been there for some time. I went from feeling I had to do my practice to wanting to do it.
Once I got the Fan Form in my body, it was one of my favorite forms. It’s so beautiful and elegant. It’s delicate, but there is also power to it. In addition, I can carry a fan with me, unlike most of the rest o my weapons. There’s something delightful about the thought of slicing someone’s jugular–oh wait.
I have to explain. If you sharpen the ribs and dip the outer edge of the fan in poison, you would have yourself a pretty deadly weapon in your hand. And because I appear as a woman, I could carry one without being questioned about it. Maybe not if it’s dripping with poison and has sharpened ribs, but the latter might not be questioned because I look harmless. Well, close enough.
I love the juxtaposition of a fragile-looking weapon being used in a deadly manner. Hypothetically, of course. I really do not want to ever get in a fight, but of course, I want to be able to defend myself if Ifind myself in that situation.
The thing is, all this gave me a false sense of security. I knowseveral weapon forms, and I’ve taught myself many of them. The longest it’s taken me is three months. I’m pretty sure I could have learned the Sword Form in days if I had been taught it nonstop. God, I love that form.
I’m an advanced student. I have finally admitted that I’m no longer a novice/noob. I mean, hell, I’m teaching myself Weapon Forms. I taught myself the Fan Form, so I could teach myself the Double Fan Form. Right?
I had taken weeks to watch several different Fan Forms before I chose the one I liked the best. I’m not sure which lineage it’s from, but it really doesn’t matter. I can shape it into a form from my lineage. Mostly by not breaking my knees. I don’t do deep knee bends, thank you very much.
When I watched the videos of the different Fan Forms, I thought, “Oh, this won’t be so bad. I know the fan. How much harder can this be?”
SO MUCH HARDER. I can’t express how much harder it’s been. First of all, I’ve been at it for over four months, and I’m roughly 2/3rds done. This is by far the longest it’s taken me to learn a weapon form. And the first time I’ve wondered if I can actually learn it. No, wait. I did have my doubts with the Saber Form, but that was a decade-and-a-half ago, and it was only my second weapon form.
With the Double Fan Form, I was immediately flummoxed. With the Double Saber Form, both hands basically mimic each other most of the time. When they don’t, it’s usually one hand doing something and the other resting. With the Double Fan Form, both hands are almost always constantly moving–and often doing different things.
I have three videos I’m watching. One is at half-speed; one is at three-quarter speed; and the third is normal speed. The first has both front and back views, which is really helpful. Still. Sometimes, my brain simply cannot process what is happening–no matter how many times I watch the videos.
I have more to say, but I’m done for the night. I will be back tomorrow to talk about why this form is the form to end all forms.