I think I’m neurodivergent. I can’t say for sure beecause I have not been tested, but I hav eslowly come to realize that I don’t think like other people on many different levels. Or on any level, really. I no longer care as much as I used to because haters are going to hate. It’s been helpful, though, to realize that I am different and that if people don’t understand it, well, that’s on them.
One thing that I have read about people with autism or ADHD is that they become hyperfocused on something. Like to an extreme degree. This isn’t just about having passion or caring about something, it’s about loving that thing to distraction and ignoring everything else. I’m not quite to that extreme, but when I’m into something, it’s often all I can think about. Like when I’m teaching myself a new weapon. I think about it even when I’m not doing it–and it’s definitely how I feel about From games. When I am into one, I am INTO one. When I was playing Elden Ring, it was all I did outside of my writing/ work/Taiji. All I wanted to do was be in the Lands Between, and that was all I did for fun for months.
There’s someone ihe RKG group who has 10 characters in Elden Ring. He played Dark Souls III for thousands of hours as a way to stave off his depression. When Krupa went for his plat for Dark Souls, this other person and I were his go-to for help. I am not nearly as familiar with that game as I am with the third game, but I was able to help out–and Google when I couldn’t. It was because of Krupa going for that plat that I started my own plat journey. Or hundo chievo because I’m not on PlayStation. There are people who insist that if it’s not on PlayStation, it can’t be a plat. Fine. Whatever. It’s the same fucking achievements, but if they want to be such prisses about it, then fine.
Hundo chievo it is, then.
Once again, I end up at From games because I love them so much. I started playing Elden Ring again after being away for a few months. Or maybe a month. It felt so natural as if I had never been gone. A few of the buttons are a bit weird because they aren’t the same as Dark Souls III buttons, but that took five seconds to reacclimatize. Then it was like coming home. I played as both my most recent character and my NG+ character. It was fun to go back again. Krupa asked us in Discord what would be a good armor for Rory knowing the way he plays. I canot wait for the Elden Ring Retry!
Back to Bagua.
I want to kill all the things when I’m doing Bagua. Not anybody in specific, but there’s just a surge of energy/aggression that needs to be expressed. I am a very low-key kind of person who is not very energetic. WHen I practice Bagua, I am pumped. I was doing the teacup hand drills and was ready to go out and fight! Even the body language of Bagua is so much more aggressive than that of Taiji.
It blew my mind when my teacher told me that there really was no form to Bagua and that it was based on the DeerHorn Knives. One master was walking and had them for protection. he based an entire martial arts on that. So they are the only official weapons of the martial art, but there isn’t a form for them per se. My teacher told me that once you got down the basics, including walking the circle, then anything was bagua.
Taiji is very chill. It’s al about being relaxed and moving with the minimal amount of energy needed. It’s called the lazy person’s martial art for a reason. My teacher always emphasizes exerting as little energy as possible for maximum results. Even when you are attacking, you’re not trying to be aggressive. It’s more about taking your opponent’s momentum and using it against them. If they’re coming at you, then just guide them to go past you. If they fall on their face, well, that’s their problem–not yours.
Bagua says, “Fuck that noise. I’m going to hurt you.” It’s very in your face, and I love that about it. As much as I appreciate the chillness of Taiji, I adore the aggressiveness of Bagua. Let me be clear. It’s still an internal martial art. That means it’s not about learning tricks and skills and focusing on things that are, well, external to the practioner. Yes, it’s more muscular than Taiji, but it’s stil about what you do with your body, your core, and your movement.s.
Another thing my teacher has said (that is quoting a master) is (and I’m paraphrasing), “When you get to the very top of each martial art, it’s all the same.” Meaning that at a high level, it doesn’t really matter which one you use. I asked my teacher if she ever got in a fight, which would she use–bagua or taiji. She said both. And it would be whatever automatically came to mind. At my last private, we did a bit of sparring. It’s amazing how quickly and effortlessly she can counter anything I could come up with. I mean, not amazing because she’s at a much higher level than I am, but amazing because it seems so easy for her. Anything I did was intuited by her, and she easily bolcked everything I tried to do.
I want to learn how to do combat (spar) because that’s what I signed up for in the first place. I’m sure she’ll be eager to teach me–and I want to learn joint manipulations, too. Chin na techniques are what they’re called. I want to learn it all, and right now, I am stuck on bagua. It’s beautiful and brutal, and I want more. This is me when I’m really into something. I can’t get enough and I just want to shove it down my face.
I don’t actually think it’s a problem because I know better than to bore my friends with my current obsession. Well, not completely, but I’m not going to go on about it for hours. And because my friends are great friends, they like to hear me talk about things that make me passionate. When I know I’m testing their patience, I back off and just write about it. That’s the great part about being a writer–I can do it that way rather than talk about it with friends.
I love Bagua. I can’t wait to learn more about it, especially the DeerHorn Knives. I have a pair of practice ones from my teacher and she taught me a basic walk the circle form with them. I can’t wait to learn more.