In my last post, I veered into the territory of FromSoft games as I was talking about Taiji because it was a comparison to something that I loved that did not love me in return. It’s also a reason as to why I love FromSoft games, I do not like most soulslikes. So many soulslikes think that being hard and grueling is all that makes a FromSoft game. Oh, and the current meta for soulslikes is to have the parry/deflect be king. I mentioned that yesterday as well, but I had to restate it because I hate it so much.
What I realized with From games was that I put up with the difficulty and the bullshit because I love the games so much. And what I loved about the games was the exploration, the level design, and the lore (which had to be dug up). I remember in the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC (Elden Ring), I was going for ages without finding another bonfire (site of grace). I was out of estus, and I had been dying over and over again. This was only the first section of the DLC, and it was already kicking my ass repeatedly. When I found a door and recognized that it was a shortcut, I actually teared up.
I opneed it with a sense of relief and elation. This was what I lived for in these games, and this was the high point of that session to me. The boss was soon thereafter, and while it was a great boss by design, it did not move me the way finding that shortcut did.
Back to Taiji. The one thing I would say about it is that it’s hard to get into from the start. At least it was for me, and my teacher says that’s not unusual. Especially in America where we are pushed to ‘give 110%’ all the time*. We’re supposed to go hard, and you’re called lazy, a failure, or not trying if you fall slack at any time.
One of the things my teacher emphasizes repeatedly is that Taiji is the lazy person’s martial art. To be honest, that’s why I chose Taiji in the first place as the martial art I wnanted to study. I am not big on exercising or exerting that much energy. There are several reasons for that, including the fact that I have difficulty calibrating when enough is too much.
I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of person, anyway. Taiji has helped mellow that out, but it’s still something I struggle against. It’s a very American way of thinking, and it’s my mother’s anxiety talking as well.
I just had a conversation with her, and she was rattling on and on about how to prepare for my brother’s visit (with his GF). My brother is very chill as is his GF. They will not care if the houuse isn’t spotless or about having dozens of foods to eat. But my mother has tied herself into a knot over this, which is her anxiety manifesting itself.
She can’t just CTFO and be reasonable about my brother visiting. In fact, she’s very uptight–which in turns makes my brother very uptight. I try to keep it chill, but at some point, I have to tell her to just fucknig breathe–without the ‘fucking’. I do not swear in front of my mother–or at least I try not to.
Taiji has helped me chil out a bit. I will say that my stroke has made my temper even more hair trigger than before, but I’m working on keeping it under control.
Taiji helps me in so many ways, I could go on about it forever. There is very little to no downside to it, other than it takes some time to feel as though you know what you are doing. That’s another thing my teacher said to me when I was a noob–that I should focus on learning the Solo Form and not worry too much about anything else. There is a breathing pattern you can do and there is a way to bend your back as you’re doing the form, but that’s also not for beginners.
There is something comforting about doing my Taiji/Bagua routine every morning. I do it in basically the same order, but I do change it up now and then. We do it in the same order for class, but my teacher has told me that it’s not necessary to do so.
This is one thing that has been difficult for me to truly accept–that it doesn’t have to be the same every time. Yes, the forms are the way they are for a reason, but it’s not like they are written in stone. My teacher’s teacher is constantly refining them, tweaking them, and updating them.
Oh, by the way, the video I included above in him with another of his students demonstrating applications for Ladies Weaving At Their Shuttles, which is at the beginning of the third section. I call this movement, My Fair Ladies, for obvious reasons.
The applications are my favorite thing about the Solo Form. I know it’s good for my health, but that’s not why I do it. I do the Solo Form to make sure I can still do it and because it’s the basis for everything else we do.
I have finally reached the point where I feel comfortable saying that I am a student of Taiji. I don’t feel like an imposter and even though I don’t think I could teach it, I definitely could tutor. Ecept I’m not great with the names because I don’t use them any longer.
I don’t think I’d be here without it. There is no explanation as to how I surprived Walking Pneumonia (non-COVID-related), two cardiac arrests, and a stroke. My medical team kept calling me a miracle, and my explanation was luck, love, and Taiji.
I still believe those three things saw me through that dark time, and I value each of them. Well, love and Taiji moreso than luck, but that played a huge part, too.
*Fighting the urge to rant yet again why giving 110% is such an inspid and meaningless thing to say. It’s impossible to do! Which is actually an apt metaphor, come to think of it.