I want to talk more about martial arts because it’s such an important part of my life. Putting living beings aside, I would say it’s the most important. It has changed my life in so many ways, it’s hard to count them. I honestly don’t think I would be alive today without Taiji. That’s not hyperbole. I attribute me surviving that night to love, luck, and Taiji.
Yesterday, I was talking about working out, how thick my calves and thighls are, and a bunch of other things related to martial arts–tangentially or not. I am very muscular, and I have no issue with that. It’s another thing my mother didn’t like–that I wasn’t thin and delicate the way she was. Even when I was anorexic and thinner than she was (which she did not like, either, by the way. The only time she commented negatively when
I was anorexic was when she said very jealously that my waist was smaller than hers), I had thick thighs and calves. I have always been thick in certain places.
I do want to eat better, but that’s another post for another day. I also want to learn to cook simple things, but I highly doubt I will.
Most Americans go too hard on resolutions. The all or nothing mentality that serves no one well. That’s why so many people sign up for gyms in January and barely make it past February. It’s really hard to go from doing nothing to working out five to seven days a week, an hour a day.
I know that it doesn’t feel like much when done incrementally, but you’re (general you) much more likely to stick to a habit that you can do easily every day than one you struggle with and hate with every fiber of your being.
Side note: I’m including a video of my teacher’s teacher and his teacher doing San-Shou (push hands). Tha’s another thing I want to learn this year, but it’s harder as it’s a two-person form.
Oh, speaking of two person forms, there are two-person sword forms, too. I would also like to learn those. This is the problem. There are just too many forms, and I want to learn them all at the same time. Right now, I’m brushing up on my Cane Form and teaching myself the left side of the Fan Form. I think I”ll add learning the rest of the Karambit (not Taiji or Bagua) as well. I only have one of four rows left to go, so it should not be too difficult to teach it to myself.
It was weird when I realized that my teacher was not a big fan of the weapons and that if I wanted to learn them, I would have to teach myself. When she was teaching me the Saber Form, I hated it so much at first. When we reached the end of the fourth row (of six), we stopped for two reasons. The one that I knew of at the time was because I got in a minor car accident and felt too shaken up to continue with it.
The reason I didn’t know at the time, but learned later, was that she didn’t feel comfortable with the movement at the end of the fourth row. It is very elaborate and showy, and it’s my favorite movement of the form. She didn’t tell me abotu it until years later, and that’s when I realized that weapons were most definitely not her thing.
That was a strange moment in my brain. When it became evident that I had surpassed her with the weapons, I mean. The student wasn’t supposed to surpass the teacher, at least not while the student was still learning from the teacher.
I have had to make my peace that in th ecase of the weapons, I would be teaching myself. I could maybe take privates from my teacher’s teacher, but I would rather not do that. While his Taiji is incredible (he is, indeed, a master), I do think I could get along with him on a personal level. I’m just going to leave it at that.
I do like that he has videos so I can watch him doing different forms. That’s how I taught myself the Double Saber Form because my teacher only felt comfortable about the first half.
It’s one of my favorite weapon forms, and I want to teach myself the left side of it this year, too.
This is one area in which I’m realistic about my abilities to teach myself weapon forms. I’ll be blunt about it. I’m really good at weapon forms. So good in fact, that I get cross when I get stuck. When I was teaching myself the left side of the Sword Form, I cruised through it until, ironically, I got to the easiest movement in the form–the Fishing Posture. Basically, it’s holding the sword up and letting the tip drop. It’s intuitive and not very hard to do.
For whatever reason, when I got to that movement on the left side, I could not make it work for the life of me. After half an hour, I realized that it wsa because I did not put much thought into it that I didn’t know how to break it down. Once I got that in my head, I was able to do it easily.
I’ve had classmates complain/be envious because I learn weapon forms so fast. I never know what to say when my teacher tells me about it because it’s not as if I’m doing it on purpose. Also, I’m not going to pretend to be slower than I am just to soothe their egos. I don’t do weapons in class any longer; I only do them at home. Not because of the jealousy, but because of the pandemic and my medical crisis. I have not actually been in a class physically since the pandemic hit.
I don’t want to set my goal too high, but Ialso don’t want to shortchange myself. I have already decided to teach the left side of the Fan Form to myself, and I’m roughly halfway done. I brushed up on my Cane Form, both sides, and it’s solid now. Sword Form both sides and Saber Form both sides, all good.
I want to finish the Swimming Dragon Form (in Bagua). My teacher said I’m roughly two-thirds done, and we’ve done more since. I filmed her doing the whole thing, but I promised not to go ahead of where we are.
I cannot wait to learn the Swimming Dragon Form with the DeerHorn Knives. That will be next, and it’ll make me so happy. I also think once I finish the Karambit Form, the left side should not be that difficult.
The one that I really want to teach myself, but I’m not sure it’ll go as smoothly, is the Double Saber Form. I did try doing it left side, and I was able to do it, but not well.
I am going to bed, but I have one more post in me about martial arts. Meet me back here tomorrow.