I’m a mess; I’ll admit it. There are so many things I’d like to change in my life, and it paralyzes me from doing anything. My brother is completely different, and I envy him for it. When he sets his mind to something, he just does it. Granted, sometimes it takes longer than he planned because he tends to underestimate how long things actually take and how quickly he can get shit done. Plus, with ten things going on at once, there is bound to be a ball or two dropped. Still. He does more in a week than I do in a year.
It’s hard to believe we have the same genes, honestly. We could not be more different in most ways. There are a few ways in which we are similar (we’re both on the autism spectrum,; we both have our topics that we can wax poetic on forever–and I do mean forever; and we’re both very opinionated, for example), but I could rattle off our differences for several minutes. He’s more logical-minded whereas I’m almost pure emotion. He’s EQ is not great; mine is off the charts. He’s Christian, and I am not. He’s super-active while I am not. He’s into pickleball, hiking, and other outdoor activities while I prefer my exercise martial and indoors, please. I’m allergic to everything under the sun, and I stay out of the outside as much as possible.
I like to say I like the outdoors as long as it stays outside and away from me. I also like to say that I’m allergic to everything including the air.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. There are several things I’d like to improve this year. Or rather, several things I’d like to change about me and the way I am.
In the last post, I talked about wanting to get laid. Not looking for a romantic relationship, but for sex. I mentioned all the reasons that I had not gotten my groove on in quite some time, and maybe this is the year that I actually make the effort to get a piece.
Side note: Everything is really hard for me to make myself do. It’s the depression, and while I am not happy about it, I just accept it as part of who I am. Even when I was at my mental health best, it still took so much effort to actually do things. That’s another thing I am envious about with my brother–that he just does things.
I want to cook a bit. I was going to say cook more, but that would be insinuating that I cook at all. Which I haven’t since, well, in a very long time. Even when I did cook on the regular, it was mostly simple pastas or making sandwiches. I did buy a slow cooker, but my sink broke, so I can’t watsh it. Yes, I need to get a new sink, but taht isn’t going to happen any time soon. Which means the slow cooker hasn’t been used in quite some time. Also, the few things I made in it weren’t great, plus it took way more effort than I thought.
This was my issue with the Instapot, too. My brother raved about how it made everything so easy, but he cooks a lot, anyway. That’s something I did not understand when I read about the Instapot online. People gushed about how much time was saved, but they were talking about it as people who cooked a lot and cooked often.
The only thing it does is save cooking time. That’s it. I still had to do all the prep work, and it actually took more time because I had to head up the Instapot, release the air (and got burnt doing so), and let it cool down. The first thing I tried was mashed potatoes. It took me forty-five minutes. I can do it on the stovetop in about twenty minutes. And I still had to cube the potates and mash them, anyway!
We’ve joked about me doing a YouTube channel about cooking from the perspective of someone who doesn’t cook. Also, it annoys the fuck out of me that in order to read a recipe, you have to scroll through SO MUCH BULLSHIT about the person’s life, them shopping at Target, how the kids are doing, and whatever else. I don’t fucking care! It’s the same with cooking videos, especially by women. The first ten minutes are filled with shit I don’t care about. I just want the recipe and the cooking instructions.
It’s so bad online that there are hacks that will strip cooking websites of everything but the recipe, which is much appreciated. But it’s still too much. People who gush about cooking don’t understand that it’s just too much work for minimal value. I mean, yes, good tasting food is at the end of it, but way too much effort for such little result, especially as a single person. Yes, you can do batches and freeze, but it never tastes as good upon reheating, and that makes it even more work.
So while I say that I would like to cook a bit in this year, the hard reality is that I probably won’t. My desire to do so is massively outpaced by my desire to just…not. I hate cooking; I really do. There’s nothing that will make me actually like it. I was going to say that the only thing that will make me like cooking is if someone cooked for me, but then I realized that defeated the purpose. Would love a chef, though.
I would like to diversify my fruits and veggies. I eat enough every day, but I tend to stick to the same ones. I eat an orange every day because it’s good for lactic acid build up. Any food I get Door Dashed is heavily veggie laden. I’ve taken to buying another fruit, be it blueberries, strawberries, or raspberries. I will buy a pre-made salad once in a while, but I will never eat it. I do better with bagged spincah. Also, sweet corn. Oh! And baby carrots. With hummus. It’s a great snack and very morish.
I’m done for now. I’ll get back to this tomorrow.