Ok. Let’s talk more about the Double Fan Form first. I wrote about it yesterday and how I’m struggling with it. By the way, I’m getting so engrossed with it, I’m spending up to half an hour on learning it–and we’re talking about a new posture or two at a time. In other words, it’s been ROUGH. I messaged Ian, saying I’m struggling with it. He asked if there were different things to do with each fan, which would give him trouble. That’s part of it, and today, I learned a posture that had the two fans facing the opposite ways and doing distinctly different things.
Even before that, though, the form was fucking with my brain. I was trying to figure out why that is, and I think it’s beacuse I have to hold the two fans in one hand for several postures. This is unlike the Double Saber Form in which you immediately separate the two sabers. You have one in each hand from the first posture after the bow, and you continue along in that fashion until the last posture.
With the fan form, you start with both fans in the left hand (this is common. You start with the weapon/s in the opposite of the dominant hand for the form). You transfer both to the right a few postures later. Then, a few postures later, you separate the two. One fan is facing forward and one is facing backwards. Of course, this means that you have to hold them the opposite way in the beginning when they are in one hand. I have tried it the way it makes sense to my brain (with the front sides facing out), but that doesn’t quite line up with where I need them to be by the time I separate the fans.
Side note: I was just browsing fans. Yes, I just bought a new set, but I’m curious as to what is out there. One thing that is guaranteed to make me NOT buy from a seller is them not including the dimensions of the weapon. I have seen this far too often, especially with the fans, and it’s simply not acceptable. I think one reason it happens so much with the fans is because fans are in that gray area between weapon and toy. Well, not toy, exactly, but accessory. Plus, you can do dances with them. So it’s not strictly a weapon. Still. If you are selling a fan as a Taiji weapon, then you MUST include the length. That’s not negotiable, and it boggles my mind that sellers would not automatically include that information.
I was looking at a pack of ‘large’ fans, and I could not find the size in the description anywhere. Granted, I did not peruse it carefully, but it did not show up in the description, which is where I would expect it to be. I get all my martial art equipment from Kungfu Direct, but their fan selection is limited. I wanted to see what else was out there.
Back to the Double Fan Form. I have watched half-a-dozen versions of the official Yang-style Double Fan Form (that’s what I’ve dubbed it in my head), and they are the same with small flair/tweaks. I have decided that this will be the first one I learn and that it’s good for me to persevere with it.
I need to get it out of my head that it should be easy or that it should be the same as the Fan Form. Neither of these things have proven to be true. I also have to remind myself that it’s ok if I get stuck. As I’ve said previously, I have a very low frustration threshold when it comes to learning something new. I’m used to picking things up quickly, plus I’m not allowed to have flaws/make mistakes by my parents. I got scolded/chastised/teased for fucking up when I was younger. Anything less than an A was simply unacceptable.
I have gotten better at not being great at something from the moment I tried it, but I’m still not great at it. Oh, I have included above the video I’m using to learn the Double Fan Form. It’s done at half-speed, which initially, I thought it was a good thing. Now, though, I’m not so sure it wouldn’t be better to do it at regular speed first and then slow it down.
I’m not sure. I’m not overly frustrated yet, but I can’t help but think I’m missing something. Like there’s a button I can push that will make it click in my head. With the saber, another weapon I struggled with, I had to divorce it from the sword and think of it as something completely diffreent. And take a few years away from it to get other experiences under my belt.
When I went back to it, I had a whole different appreciation for the weapon. I was able to see it as its own thing and not just a lesser sword. I have grown to appreciate it, but I never really clicked with it.
Until I found my teacher’s teacher video of him doing the Cane Form with a saber. And then it CLICKED. It clicked so hard, I lost my shit. I vibed with it on a molecular level. I don’t know why, but I fell in love with it. Hard. This is funny to me because the Cane Form was not my jam. Nor was the Saber Form. Somehow, doing the Cane Form with the Saber made it entriely my jam. SO MUCH MY JAM. I adore the Cane Form with the saber. And, more to the point, doing the Cane Form twith the saber made me appreciate both the Cane Form and the saber so much more.
I dare say that doing the Cane Form with a saber is one of my favorite forms. Of all. This is huge! The Cane Form was probably my least-favorite form with the Saber Form close behind. Now, the Cane Form with the cane is sitll roughly the same as it was before, but the Cane Form with the saber? FIRE.
I will try to break that down tomorrow, but for now, good night.