I’m not a big pop culture person. I quit watching movies several years ago, and I have been sporadic in my book reading. I do ‘listen’ to songs on YouTube (videos), but it’s very now-and-then, and it’s usually something I already knew. TV? Can’t remember the last show I watched with any regularity. Why is that? Well, strap in because I’m about to tell you.
I don’t realized I don’t like movies in general about twenty-five years ago. When I mentioned that to my substitute professor at my grad school, she looked at me as if I had grown another head. She didn’t say anything for several seconds, then blurted out, “That’s like saying you don’t like sandwiches!” in a shocked tone.
I didn’t say it to her, but that didn’t seem weird to me, either. If someone didn’t like two slices/pieces of bread/breadlike substances on the outside and meat, veg, cheese, and whatever on the inside, then that person had just eliminated sandwiches as a whole. Which I could see someone doing. As I said, I had the good sense not to say that out loud, but I was thinking it.
I get why it seems weird that someone doesn’t like movies, but my brother made me see one reason why. When I told him about it, he laughed and said, “Of course you don’t like movies. They aren’t real enough for you.” Which, he’s right. Even realistic movies aren’t real because they can’t be. They have to make cuts and concessions or every movie would be as long as it would take to actually do what’s happpening. Or it would be a David Cage* game, and ain’t nobody got any time for that.
No movie feels real to me. Even the best acted ones, I am well aware that I’m watching a movie. And, I’ll be frank. I don’t want to watch a bunch of white men doing white men things, which cuts out a good chunk of Western movies. If I don’t see a person of color as one of the first six actors, I won’t even consider watching the movie. I don’t care how good it is: if there is not diversity in it, I shall not watch it.
That’s a red herring, though. I don’t have any plans on watching any movies any time soon. There is nothing that appeals to me, not that I’m plugged into the movie circuit. Wait. There is one movie that I have interest in–Sinners, directed by Ryan Coogler. That looks interesting to me, but that’s it. The last movie I watched was Everything Everywhere All at Once, which I really likked–until the last monologue by Michelle Yeoh. That completely undermined everything I had previously felt about the movie, though it took some time to sink in. It’s a shame, because I enjoyed the movie tremendously (despite itself) up until that point.
Up to this point, I have been talking about the contents of the movie and the themes therein. For this post, I want to do something a bit different. I want to get a bit meta.
The Daniels basically throw everything they want in their project and then winnow it down a bit afterwards. They can do this because they are independent and don’t really have to answer to anyone. They did have a production company (A24), but it seemed like they were mostly hands off.
I see this in games all the time. The Triple A games are impressive from a visual point of view (except on PC for reasons I will not get into here. The ports for PC have been such a hot mess in the past few years). You can tell that millions and millions of of dollars have been put in the game. That doesn’t make the game itself that good, but it does tell you something.
It’s the same with big budget popcorn movies. You can tell that money was poured into them so the production value is pretty decent. That doesn’t mean the movie is good, but that’s not the point.
It also means that the content is probably pretty safe. So many big budget movies seem as if they were QA to death before they ever saw the light of day. Basically, directing by committee. There is always the audience is mind and how the scene would play in Peoria.
It’s one reason I don’t like movies, to be honest. They often feel as if they are made for the masses and more about not offending anyone than speaking to the vision of the director. Or, in the case of movies like Knives Out, it’s an auteur who is too up his own ass and is not able to be reined in.
In the case of the Daniels, they truly believe in everyone having a voice. Which comes with its own issues, obviously, but at least they don’t fall into the auteur mentality. In addition, they’re fearless in their ideas.
Yesterday, I had my first post on Everything Everywhere All At Once–which I finally saw on Christmas night. In the last post, I mentioned that I did not like movies in general. Plus, Amazon makes it so fucking hard to rent a movie that I pushed it off for months.
But. I made a commitment to Ian to watch it by Christmas Day. And true to my nature, I waited until that night before watching it.
I was skeptical, but hopeful. Within ten minutes, I was sobbing. You see, I went in knowing very little about the movie And, yes, there will be spoilers throughout this review. Continue at your own risk.
I knew there was universe jumping and that Michelle Yeoh was the lead. That was all I knew, and I was prepared for it to be heart-pounding and thrilling. It was that, sure. It was also funny as hell in places (and, yes, we will talk about THAT scene–probably in another post), but what I did not expect was to be sobbing ten minutes into the movie.
Not just little tears, either, but ugly sobbing. It was when Joy was getting into the car to leave with Becky (in a huff), and Evelyn calls out for her to wait. Joy stops. And I can tell by the set of her shoulders that she is bracing herself. She is hoping for something positive, but she knows in her heart that it’s most likely going to be critical.
“You need to eat better,” Evelyn snaps. “You’re getting fat.”
Joy’s shoulders sag. And I burst into tears as Joy gets into the car and drives away. Because I could see the resignation and the pain in her face. I could feel the hurt and anger she was feeling. I knew what she was experiencing, and it was devastating.
I get the feeling that the Daniels put in this as a way to say that Evelyn could not talk about her feelings and that this was her way of showing love. It’s cultural, I can hear them say. I know that. I am from that culture. I visited Taiwan when I was ten or so, and no one had any problems telling me how fat I was (my relatives).
Here’s the thing. I would not say it’s a way of showing love. It’s just not a taboo. But. Here’s the added twist. If you’re a girl/woman/AFAB, then it’s definitely a negative. You should be able to be blown away by a slight breeze otherwise you will never get a husband.
So, the fact that a mother is saying it to her daughter (who isn’t fat, by the way. Not that it matters, but she just isn’t) makes it even crueler. Women are often the ones who ensure that the sexist beliefs of a society are passed on to their daughters.
(Restrains self with much diffuclty from giving a diatribe and internalized sexism and when doing it out of love is arguably worse than doing it out of hate.)
I hate movies. I have accepted this as true. I had a substitute teacher when I was in grad school who was stunned when I said this to her. I didn’t realize it was a controversial statement. She sputtered how it was like saying you didn’t like sandwiches. She said it as if that was ridiculous, but I thought, well of course some people would not like sandwiches. If you don’t like meat and veg between two pieces of bread slathered with condiments, then you’re not going to like sandwiches. I like them fine, but they are very much a take-it-or-leave it food item for me. Mostly because I have so many food restrictions. There are some decent gluten-free breads, but no really great ones. So I’m going to eat rice more often than not.
The last movie I saw was Knives Out. I hated it. I know I am in the minority with that opinion, but I really was shocked at how much I hated it. I went into it hopeful, but that hope was dashed to pieces in the first five minutes.
The only thing I liked about the movie was Jamie Lee Curtis chewing up the scenery. Gleefully by the handfuls. She was a woman done wrong by her husband (Don Johnson, who was also fantastic), and she was Not Having It. I loved how much she emoted all over the place. I also loved that she was a woman in her sixties and she looked it. I just adore her for so many reasons. And she stole the show in Knives Out.
Once I finished that movie, I was done with movies in general. I had tried so hard to like them, and I just didn’t. My brother said it was because movies could not be like real life nor get as deep into people’s psyches and usually have to take shortcuts.
I just Googled and it’s apparently common for some autistic people to not like movies. that’s one of my goals for the new year–finding out if I’m autistic.
After Knives Out, I just accepted I didn’t like movies, and I didn’t watch any.
Then along came Everything Everywhere All At Once, starring the absolutely luminous Michelle Yeoh. And the badass Jamie Lee Curtis. Looking frumpy and grumpy, and I loved her for it. Jamie Lee Curtis, I mean. I know I’m harping on this point, but she looks gloriously her age. In a world filled with Botox and facelifts, tummy tucks and Spanx, it’s an act of defiance to just…be.
I hate movies. I always have, but it’s taken me some time to be comfortable saying it out loud. Twenty years ago when I was getting my masters, I mentioned to the substitute teacher that I did not like movies. She looked at me as if I were an alien and said, “That’s like saying you don’t like sandwiches!”
Which didn’t sound strange to me, either, to be honest. Her point was that there were so many different kinds of sandwiches, anyone could find something they liked. I didn’t have the wherewithal to say it at the time, but now, I would retaort that if you didn’t like one of the crucial ingredients, say, bread, then you’re not going to like sandwiches. In my case, I’m allergic/sensitive to wheat, so sandwiches had been difficult for roughly a decade. Now, with so many good substitutes, I can enjoy them again. But if I had remained allergic to all kinds of breading, then it would make sense if I didn’t eat sandwiches. As it is, I love, love, LOVE dumplings, but it’s hard for me to find dumplings that are GF.
I need reality in my movies. I need people to act the way they would in real life unless it’s a musical–then I don’t care. I know some people watch movies to escape, but I get way too distracted by how people would NOT do that in real life.
I know people might say, “Just turn your brain off and enjoy.” I can’t. Knowing how people act is something deep in my bones. It’s not even a matter of them acting in an inconsistent manner because that’s human nature. It’s more somethnig an ex called the ‘moving my face to hit your fist’ syndrome. It’s when the director has an end result in mind and then manipulate everything to meet the ending they envisioned. They become too wedded to it and force the characters to do things they normally wouldn’t to get to that result.
Then, my brain gets stuck on, “Marge is always late. She would not have ‘just happened’ to show up on time.” ” “Blade has obesssive tendencies. He would not just leave like that.” And such. I think it’s easier in books to explore the psyche of the characters, obviously, because you can write about it for pages. Whereas in a movie, you have to do it in snapshots. Which, it can be done! I’m not saying that there aren’t good movies. Of course there are. But I don’t like the format, and I don’t feel the need to keep trying.
Yesterday, I made some confessions that I don’t consider particularly guilty, but I probably wouldn’t go on and on about them in polite company. Today, I want to talk about movies and television because I’m in a confessing mood.
When I was doing my MA in Writing & Consciousness in San Francisco over two decades ago, there was a substitute for a class. She was a fairly prominent writer in San Francisco and I happened to mention that I didn’t like movies. I didn’t think it was that weird a statement, but she acted as if I had just said I ate babies for breakfast.
“That’s silly!” She said. “That would be like saying you don’t like sandwiches. There are so many different kinds, there has to be something you like.” I let it dropped because she was so shocked, but privately, I was thinking that not liking sandwiches seemed reasonable to me as well. Personally, I love them, but I can see why two pieces of bread with meat, veg, and condiments in between may not be your thing. And if you don’t like that format, you’re not going to like any sandwich, regardless of individual ingredients. Or if you don’t like bread in general, say. then sandwiches don’t make sense for you.
The tone of her voice made it clear to me that I was a big, fat weirdo (again), and I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut about movies. I mean, I should have learned that lesson already considering I dated a guy who dumped me because of my opinion on Pulp Fiction. It was his favorite movie, and he wanted me to watch it with him (this was several years after it came out). I agreed, even though it did not seem like my kind of movie. He did warn me about some the rape scene so I could step out when it happened, which I did appreciate.
After the movie was over, he asked what I thought of it. Naively. I gave him an answer which was pretty complicated, intense, and about fifteen minutes long. I hated it. I thought it was pretentious and masturbatory and very self-congratulatory. I also thought it was coming from a very privileged white male point of view, which, of course, Tarantino is. I thought the violence was gratuitous and even though it’s supposed to be, it’s not well done.
I tried to be diplomatic about it, but I had nothing good to say. I truly hatted everything about it, and I never would have gone to see it if it weren’t for him. He was quiet for a few seconds and then said, “I can’t be with someone with those views” and broke up with me.
I don’t understand horror media. Wait. That’s not what I meant to say. What I meant was I don’t understand horror in general. No, that’s not quite it, either. Ok. I’ll just spit it out. I find most horror juvenile and boring. Not scary at all. Jump scares are just bodily reflexive reactions that are about getting away from the thing in your face. It’s not really being scared, per se, at least not for me. If anything comes at me out of the blue, I’m going to jump. It’s a physiological response rather than one of horror. Plus, it’s cheap. There’s no thought in it. Anyone can do a jumpscare at any time.
I will allow for the tension in situations such as the xenomorph in Alien Isolation. But again, that’s not really scary–that’s tension. It’s brilliantly done and I tried to play the game, but I couldn’t because it’s first person. That might be one of the reasons I don’t find horror games scary–because I can’t play first-person games. And horror isn’t horrifying in third person, really. At least I presume because I don’t watch horror movies. Again, not because they’re scary but because I find most of them boring/juvenile.
I am all for the psychological horror, but physical horror leaves me cold. Hm. Physical comedy also leaves me cold, which is interesting. Mostly because it’s too broad. It’s funny because I love musicals–which surprises people because they are so unrealistic. But I’m fine with that because they’re not supposed to be realistic. You could say the same with slapstick comedy, I suppose, but humor is different in general.
It’s interesting because I was talking to my brother about all this. He said that of course I didn’t like most movies because I was already three steps ahead of them. I hadn’t thought about it, but he’s right. Because I’m very adept at picking up emotions and motivations, I can see every plot point coming a mile away. He, on the other hand, is not good with emotions in anything other than the broadest strokes. I joked that we could make a podcast based on our very divergent reaction to movies because it would be amusing. When he said what he did about of course I could see three steps ahead, a light bulb went off in my brain. Everybody knows about about the Dunning-Kruger effect when it comes to people thinking they’re better than they are for no good reason. The lesser-known result of the study, however, is that people who are better at something than other people underestimate how much better they are. Why? Because it’s normal for them, so they have no frame of reference for how difficult it might be for other people.
I have always known what other people are feeling. More to the point, I have always felt what other people were feeling. That’s one reason I don’t like movies–I don’t want to feel what they’re feeling. I’m better at blocking out other people’s emotions now, but it takes effort. When I was in my twenties, I felt other people’s emotions as intensely as I felt my own–especially the negative ones. It was one reason I hated being around other people. I would look around the room and immediately know who was feeling bad. Not only that ,I would know why. “This woman is being abused by her husband.” “This child is being abused.” “This guy is super-depressed.” Was I right? No idea because it’s not something I could bring up with most people. So I can’t say with any certainty that I was right about why they were feeling bad, but I can tell you confidently that they were feeling bad.
For the longest time, I simply assumed that everyone else could feel other people’s emotions the way I did. I never knew about empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP). I really don’t like the latter label because it sounds too precious, but whatever. My brother and I have talked about it quite a bit lately and he helped me to realize to what extent I am different in this area. I always knew that I felt things more deeply than most people, but I always assumed it was just a bit more than others.
Nope. It’s a lot more.
Now, for some reason, this doesn’t extend to horror. I don’t feel much of anything at all while watching horror movies or playing video games. Well, more the former because as I mentioned, I don’t play horror games. Like I said, I think jumpscares are cheap. But most of the situations in horror movies don’t actually happen. I part of one of The Ring movies, the one with Naomi Watts, and it was just boring and bad. IMDB users agree with me, apparently. I did watch The Host by Bong Joon-ho, which I actually enjoyed, much to my surprise. It wasn’t scary, but it was a good movie.
In the first Harry Potter movie, the first time we see the dementors is on the train. It’s supposed to be spooky and scary, and I laughed out loud when I saw them. I thought they were adorable and I wanted to cuddle them. My friend poked me in the ribs to shut me up, but I couldn’t help it.
I’ve seen snippets of Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers. Neither of them scare me. Same with the xenomorph in the Alien movies. In fact, I can’t think of any monster who has scared me. There was a movie I saw with Jim Carrey in it as an author. It was when he was trying to be SERIOUS and it was utter trash. Though it was supposed to be scary. I just could not suspend my belief enough (I just wrote disbelief. Ha.) to accept the ridiculous premise.
This is my problem with movies in general, actually. When the Matrix first came out, my Taiji teacher at the time couldn’t stop raving about it and how it was the epitome of Taiji. I saw it years later in a theater with my then-boyfriend and mildly enjoyed it for much of the movie. That’s because both Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are hot as hell and I would not mind being sandwiched between them. The story was nonsensical, but whatever. Then, there comes the moment when Carrie-Anne Moss needs to revive Keanu Reeves and kisses him. She fucking kisses him! In a movie about breaking out of the matrix and being different, they resorted to the tritest thing ever. I stood up and shouted, “This is bullshit!” because I was so incensed. Fortunately, my boyfriend was pretty chill and there were only two or three other people in the theater (different boyfriend than Pulp Fiction boyfriend, obviously).
Talking to my brother about my distaste for movies made me shift from there’s something wrong with me for not liking movies to realizing that it makes sense given my sensitivity to other people’s emotions. Seriously, it’s a relief and I have my brother to thank for it. I never have to feel guilty about it again.
I am reviewing Knives Out, the very popular Amazon movie by Rian Johnson that has been talked about ad nauseam on social media. The first half of my review is here, and this is the second part of the brutally honest review. Not coincidentally, I’ll be talking about the second half of the movie, which is where everything really went to hell and back. Let’s take it from the end of my last post.
I looked up Rian Johnson while I took a break from the movie. That’s when I found out his first movie was Brick and everything fell into place. It was moody and dripping with atmosphere, and it was pretentious as hell. It was raved about, and I found it highly overrated. I didn’t want to watch the second half of this movie; I really didn’t. However, I felt a push inside to do so. Why? For a few reasons. One, I was tired of not being able to talk about the hot new thing. I don’t like to bash things I haven’t seen/heard/read, etc. Two, my OCD traits do not like to let things go unfinished. I have, obviously, but it really makes me uncomfortable. Three, I was doubting myself. The chatter for this movie was so overwhelmingly positive, I had to be missing something, right? The movie was going to pull something out of its ass in the second half that would totally redeem it. RIGHT?????
I was, alas, too optimistic. I pretty much knew how the rest of the movie was going to go within the first five/ten minutes of the movie (minus a few twists and turns), and I thought, “Surely it can’t be this obvious, can it?” I read that Rian Johnson implored people not to give away the twists of the movie which made me snort out loud. I’ll get to all that later–if I remember.
Here’s the thing. The movie doesn’t hold together if you think about the individual aspects. In addition, it’s very much a popcorn movie. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it has aspirations of being above that station and is talked about in lofty terms. If I had gone into it with the mentality of ‘this is a B movie with an outstanding cast’ I might not have been as hard on it as I was going in thinking it’s a fantastic ensemble movie with a mile-a-minute thrills.
I heard tell of this movie called Knives Out by Rian Johnson, an Amazon original. All the rave reviews about how incredible it was. All I knew was it was an ensemble cast murder mystery, which should be up my alley. Somewhat. I LOVE Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot with all my heart despite knowing how problematic the books are. I’ve read each of them at least three times and up to dozens. On the other hand, while I adore David Suchet’s depiction of Poirot and think Hugh Fraser, Philip Jackson, and Pauline Moran are incredible as Captain Hastings, Chief/Inspector Japp, and Miss Lemon, I have to think of them as a completely different thing than the books.
Anyway. This is my longwinded way of saying that I watched he movie. Against my will, actually, since I tend not to like movies that other people rave about. But, I kept hearing how fantastic it was, and I decided what the hell. I didn’t know much about it except that it was an ensemble cast with Daniel Craig in it.
I will tell you how I felt about it, and I will do it in two different ways. The first is the glossy review I’d write if it was for a publication of repute. The second will be my brutally honest opinion that I wouldn’t tell anyone because I’m always wary about how my weird my opinions are. In addition, I know how beloved this movie is, and, well….Yeah. First up: