For most of my life, I’ve defined myself mostly by what I am not. I am not normal. I am not like other people. I am not feminine in that I don’t care about fashion, hair, or makeup. Though since the hospital, I’ve been having more fun with my hair. I did it in Chun-Li… Continue Reading
I talked in my last post about two letters I’d read in Care & Feeding (Slate), one right after the other. They had to do with highly sensitive people and how parents/grandparents reacted to them. The third and fourth letters were about gender identity and closely related. The third letter is from a mom grieving… Continue Reading
So. More on my family because it’s heavy on my mind. I wrote about it at length in the last post and I want to continue with it now. I’ve written at length about what a jerk my father is. I’ve written less, however, about the betrayal of my mother, probably because it hurts more.… Continue Reading
I’ve been thinking more about gender roles because I’m still not comfortable with being called a woman. I said to Ian that while I’m not going to make a fuss when someone calls me ‘she’, I prefer to skip pronouns completely. He said he would keep that in mind, which touched me. I wasn’t necessarily… Continue Reading
I was talking about my relationship with gender (none) in the previous post and I want to continue that discussion here. Being in the hospital changed me for life. One reason was because of the total loss of privacy. I had a team of 2-to4 people 24/7, and one of them was checking my vitals… Continue Reading
My recent medical trauma has changed me in many ways. None of them are visible from the outside ,but they’re still there. Things such as the pandemic. I was a hermit during the first year-and-a-half due to the intense fear of COVID-19. Not that I went out much in the first place, but I scaled… Continue Reading
I was born a girl, but spent most of my childhood wishing I were a boy. Not because I wanted to be a boy, mind you, but because being a girl seemed so limited. Both in my native culture (Taiwanese) and in my surrounding culture (American). I was told that girls can’t climb trees, should… Continue Reading
I’ve been thinking about gender lately for obvious reasons (it’s in the societal zeitgeist at the moment), and where it ends for me personally is the same place it ends for me on many issues. A massive shrug, a loss of interest, and a sense of frustration because nothing quite gets to the heart of… Continue Reading
My heart is heavy, and I’m grieving the loss of a relationship I never had. Or rather, two relationships. Or one relationship with two people. My parents. My relationship with my father has ranged from nonexistent to frosty to cordially distant. Right now, I would classify it as parent-child–with me being the parent. His faculties… Continue Reading
My niece got married Friday night. I’m still digesting the fact that she’s no longer running around the lawn, screaming, giggling in glee as she babbled incoherently about whatever. She was such a happy, energetic child, and I marveled at how perfect she was. I know it’s trite, but I couldn’t believe that she had… Continue Reading