Ok. I’ve dallied long enough. I need to talk about the last boss of the game, so, of course, *SPOILERS* ahead. In the last post, I talked about the penultimate boss, but I didn’t really remember him because I melted him quickly. I hate the trope that magic is OP. Newsflash! Any stat you put 70 points into is OP. In fact, the most OP I’ve ever been is the first time I did a Zweihander run in Dark Souls. Now, I am OP in NG++ , but that’s without focusing on one stat. Yes, I have 70 in Intelligence, but I Wolf’s Assault more often than not. THAT is OP! And I only have 26 or whatever in Strength.
By the way, I have died four times in NG++. I have finished the main bosses of Limgrave, the first area. I have yet to die to an enemy–all four deaths are fall deaths. Twice because I tried to jump somewhere I couldn’t (but absolutely should have been able to) and two Torrent-related deaths. This reinforces my belief that games that are not platformers should not include platforming. One of those deaths was on the horizontal tombstones that you can jump down on, of course.
Let’s talk about the final boss. It is a very divisive boss. Some people love it and some people hate it, but very rarely are people indifferent to it. First, I’ll tell you what the boss is. It’s Radagon, the consort to Queen Marika. But wait! That’s not all he is. He’s actually part of Marika. I mean, they are the same person/demi-god. You find this out with an incantation in Leyndell Royal Capital in front of a Marika statue that changes into a Radagon statue once you do the gesture (with the incantation) in front of the statue.
It’s supposed to be a big reveal, but it didn’t astonish me at all because it made perfect sense. No idea why, but I did. Of course he was Marika. Why the hell not? Never mind that they had children–twins. A son and a daughter–Miquella and Malenia. Don’t think about it too hard because then yu’ll have to make sense of it. It’s not meant to fit into our world.
Radagon is hot as fuck, by the way. That doesn’t matter, but I can’t help think it when I see him. And…if he were the final boss–or him and Marika as two phases, I would be fine with that. But he’s not. And I knew this because it was spoiled for me when I looked something else up. that’s on me. I knew that he was just the first phase before the second phase was the Elden Beast.
The what? The Elden Beast. It is mentioned in some item or the other, but it’s not talked about much at all. And it’s like a massive platypus that just floats all over the place while shooting deadly holy light at you. Sometimes in circles that are reall difficult to evade. Then, you have to haul ass to get where it is, only to be able to hit it once before it starts floating off again. Apparently, this is a glitch–the fict that it only allows you to hit it once before it floats off. Oh, and it has a giant fuck-offf sword in one of its flippers that could one-shot me.
I will fully admit that it’s on me that I had such low Vigor by the end of the game. I had 18 for the first hundred hours of the game until I got the Mimic Tear and couldn’t use it. I had to bump my Vigor up to 21 to use the Mimic Tear and only had 20 HP left after summoning it. By the time I reached the last boss, I probably had 30 Vigor, which is much less than recommended at that point. I read a guide that suggested having 60 Vigor and I laughed heartily. On my OP NG++ second character, I think I have 45 Vigor? Maybe. It’s in the forties.
I hate the last boss. I absolutely hate it. You want to know how I finally beat it? I’m warning you that it’s really not thrilling at all. Radagon has a glitch that if you race up to him the second you can go in the arena, he doesn’t mave. Then, if you use Carian slicer to carefully hit him without breaking his poise, you can get rid of him without actually fighting him.
Cheesy? Yes. Necessary? Also yes.
Look. I would have been satisfied with Radagon being the last boss by himself or with Marika as two phases (or side-by-side). It would have been a fitting last fight. And, I get that they were serving something bigger than themselves, but the Elden Beast just comes out of nowhere. Yes, there was a bit about it, but when it shows up, I honestly thought it was a joke. This was supposed to be the last thing I fight? After all the magnificent boss fights, ranging from the epic Radahn fight to the majesty of the Malenia fight. Let’s not forget the grotesqueness of the Rykard fight and the speed of the Maliketh fight.
I fought all that (and much, much more) just to fight this multi-limbed floating blimp that has a very vicious sword? And shoots so much holy light out of its every orifice? It was a big disappointment, and I am firmly in the camp of Andy (in the video I included) that it was qutie possibly my least-favorite boss in the game. It didn’t feel fair for someone with spatial issues. Plus, running for ages and then getting in one hit? Nah, son. That’s not playing cricket.
Here’s how I fought the Elden Beast. Again, it was pure cheese because I was so frustrated at that point. OK. So after cheesing Radagon and going through the cut scene, I quickly summoned my Mimic Tear so it could help me with the Elden Beast. I had all the holy defenses possible including the incantations that I cast in the second phase. Then, I did my patented walking backwards strat while casting, no, not Swarm of Flies, but Pest Threads, which is good for large foes.
That’s it. That’s the whole strat. I fought the Elden Beast for hours with this strat. I got it down to the magic pixel about the second hour in and then it killed me. That was annoying as hell. Here’s the thing. I don’t mind learning a boss twhen I feel like it’s me who is not getting it. Oh, i need to dodge that or to block that. Gotcha. When it’s not me, in other words, when it’s the boss or the arena, then I feel no motivation to learn. All the fighting I did of the Elden Beast–it really was just me outlasting it in the end the time I “won”.
I didn’t feel triumphant. I did not feel victorious. I was just numb and done. And it shouldn’t be like that! Had it been me beating Radagon in a hard-won fight, then it would have been that. But, no. It was me chasing after this big weird creature who could always outrun me. That was another thing. I had no idea where it was coming from because it could come out of anything or anywhere. I hated this boss. For real. I think it’s the worst boss in the game (real boss, not field boss). There. I said it.
It in and of itself is enough for me to say this is not a 10 out of 10 game. Which is where I’ll leave this.