Let’s talk more about labels and sexism. Oh, that wasn’t what we were talking about? Oh well. It’s what I want to talk about now. In the Discord I’m in, there was a discussion about boycotts and calling out actors for problematic ideas/behavior. This isn’t the first time this convo has happened, and I heave a sigh every time it comes up.
Here’s why. I don’t think cancel culture is a thing, first of all. If it were, then there would be waaaaaaaaay less abusers in pop culture. I mean, look at Harvey Weinstein. And Rupert Murdoch. And Matt Lauer. And, and, and….I could go on for hours listing men who were known abusers and weren’t stopped. Hell, they were enabled, encouraged, and coddled. Let’s not forget the most famous of them all, Jeffrey Epstein. No, he wasn’t strictly Hollywood, but I can guarantee that there were many men in Hollywood who were visitors of Epstein’s island back when it was in operation.
Here’s the argument: No one is perfect and for everyone who is targeted for bad behavior/thoughts, there are hundreds of others like him. In this case, it was Henry Cavill and what he said during the MeToo movement. Some people want him in the Elden Ring movie. Other people pointed out his gross ideas, and, apparently, he’s a jerk to people he considers under him at work.
I have not liked him since his MeToo comments, but I don’t mention it because, quite frankly, I’m just tired. Plus, I’ve never really liked him nor do I find him attractive. He’s another I can see why others found him attractive, but he just did nothing for me. Once he stated his repugnant ideas during MeToo, he became waaaaaay less attractive, even visually.
More to the point, he sounded as if he was in his eighties as he droned on and on about the days when men were men and women were fish to be caught. Women knew their place, damn it! They were to be chased and wooed. He actually said that, and I had to look at the year again and how old he was.
Besides the grossness of what he said, I was struck by how gender rigid his ideas were. Again, I thought they were fading away, but sadly, there seem to be many people who still believe that bullshit. Which is yet another reason I have no use for gender. I didn’t see why I should have to sit home at demurely tending to my knitting while I waited in vain for that special boy to muster up his courage and ask me out.
Why the hell shouldn’t I ask someone out? Also, being queer really underscores how silly all that is because with two people of the same gender, someone has to make the first move. But, that’s why people ask who the man and women are in the relationship. Because they can’t fathom anything other than the standard (and tired) heterosexual gender roles.
A few years ago, I was in a forum where a single woman asked if single women could be friends with married men. Most people (mostly women) said it was alright as long as–and then they listed a bunch of rules. Like only going out with both of them, not talknig about the man’s relationship with him, and other things like tthat. Most of them were assuming that they became friends after the man got married, by the way. I don’t think that matters, but that’s what they assumed.
This was last year or the year before at the earliest, so we’re talking about recent. We’re not talking about when I was in my twenties, thirties, or even forties. This was the mentality when I was in my twenties, and I had hoped it would get better by now. Sigh.
There were a few who said it didn’t matter the gender and there should be no different rules. This is where I stand. I have two besties, one man and one woman (the latter is more like me in that gender isn’t that important to her). I don’t treat them any differently based on their genders. I talk about the same kind of things. The differences are because of the interest they have, not because of their genders.
I’ve talked about both of their romantic relationships with them. I’ve talked about sex with both of them. I think both are very attractive people. I consider them both to be cloner than friends, but not romantic partners. And I don’t think I need to set any restrictions with one or the other based on their gender.
I distinctly remember one woman going on a rant about how men and women could not be friends and how nonbinary people didn’t count because something something terribly queerphobic. She said that in her marriage, her husband didn’t have any female friends because SHE WAS THE QUEEN AND WHAT WOULD HE NEED ANY OTHER WOMAN FOR?! She actually capped something in her screed, and it was really cringeworthy.
I mean, how terribly sad and insecure she must be to cut her husband off from more than half the population. There were fa few other women in that forum who’ve said that they don’t personally have male friends becaause they found it too much trouble (as married women). I don’t get it, but that’s not offensive. because of course, they can do wahtever they want with their own lives.
It’s jsut the dismissive attitude that no men and women can be friends that chaps my hide. Plus, how terribly narrow-minded of that person to think that just because SHE can’t be friends with any single man, it means that no one can.
One of my (male) exes once said that every male friend I had wanted to sleep with me. It was certainly true of him, but it’s not true in general. I have had several male friends who have not wanted to sleep with me and a few female friends who would have been happy to warm my bed.
Back to the antiquated idea that men and women can’t be friends. It’s bullshit.
Heh. I think that’s all I really need to say about that, but I do have a few more tihngs to say. I have always had friends of all different genders. I like people based on their personalty first and foremost. I don’t really care about their bits unless I’m going to be handling said bits and I only care then so I know how they want me to handle their bits. I like all bits! I’m an equal opportunity bit-handler.
I don’t know why it scares/angers some people so much–the idea that people of all and any genders can be friends. Well, actually, I do. It’s the same reason some women got so mad at me when I was in my twenties for not having/not wanting to have children. It’s beacuse it shakes up the status quo and makes them questions their own decisions.
Well that went in a wild direction. More tomorrow.