Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: contrarian

Me and From games, part three

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In the last post, I was talking about why I think I’m nearing the end of my relationship with From games (it’s them, not me. But it’s me. But it’s also them). I don’t play the games because they are difficult, and I have the feeling that the Elden Ring DLC is going to be above my station.

Once, when I was watching Ian stream Elden Ring, his brother, Z, was in the chat. We were talking about how great the game is, and he (Z) said that he wished there was an exploration mode in Sekiro because he had friends he would love to see the game, but they would never be able/want to play it because of how hard it is.

I laughed. Not at him, but because From will never ever do something like that. I love their games, but they don’t care about traditional accessibility. I  will say that with Elden Ring, they have done things to make it accessible, but not in the obvious ways. I actually thought they tried to be more accessible for Sekiro, and my completely un-thought-out opinion of why was because they were working with Activision–and the latter demanded that they do things in the more traditional way.

To that extent, there was a sort of aim-assist, big red kanji that tells you when the enemy is doing an unblockable attack, and an actual map! I include the last as a joke because it was clearly forced upon FromSoft. It’s buried in the options menu, three layers deep. Plus the map is a blurry image of the overworld and nothing else. It’s not useful in the least, and it’s obvious that From made it as minimal as possible.

This is one reason I don’t care for Bloodborne and Sekiro. There is very little accessibility in any of the games, but you have so much more flexibility in the Souls trilogy and in Elden Ring. Quite frankly, I’m astonished that I finished Sekiro. It’s because I’m stubborn, but there is no way I could do it now. The last time I tried the game, I went back to Father (Owl) in the Hirata Estate. He is my nemesis, and I went at him for hours. I got to his second phase maybe three times, but had nothing at that point. I gave up and never went back.

This game has no give. I have heard so many times, “Once you click with the game, it’s easy!” I’ve also heard, “It’s like a rhythm game (or a fighting game)!” I’m also shit at both of those, by the way. I have rhythm in real life, but I don’t have game rhythm. I can feel music in my body, but I can’t intellectually parse when I need to deflect, for example.


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Pop culture and vidya gaemz (part seven)

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I’m still riffing on pop culture. In the last post, I just shit all over several TV shows just because I can. And because I don’t get to do it in real life that often as I don’t like yucking other people’s yums. But I also don’t like being made to feel I have to like what others like. That’s where my contrarian nature comes into play, honestly. The more someone tells me/insists I’m going to like something, the more I resist. Not even on purpose, but my brain just hunkers down. In part it’s because I don’t like being told what to do, yes, but it’s mostly because I know my tasctes the best. I know what I do and don’t like. Other people don’t. It’s that’s real. It’s the same with gifts. Most people cannot buy me somethnig I’ll actually like, especially when I used to  wear earrings. Funnily enough, my mother was able to get it right more often than not–and she’s the only person.

K and Ian are both on the mark, albeit in very different ways. I don’t expect gifts from anyone else, and I prefer not to get them, honestly. Give me money. Money is great! I know that some people don’t like it because it’s not thoughtful, but I’m a grown-ass person. I can buy myself whatever I want/need.

Anyway. Let’s talk about video games. It’s one aspect of pop culture in which I partake. But, I realized a few years ago that I don’t actually like video games in general. I had to go through several popular games that left me cold before I came to this realization. Here’s the thing. I like FromSoft games, and more specifically, the Dark Souls trilogy and Elden Ring, and I like some roguelike/lites, and I like some cozy games.

Here are popular games that I tried and did not like. Skyrim (Bethesda). Well, let me be more precise. I loved the first fifty hours despite how shitty the combat is. Remember, Dark Souls is the first game I played with actual combat (and not just constant clicking). Going from Dark Souls combat to Skyrim combat was a shock, and in not a good way. But I soldiered on despite the other flaws (and there were many) because it was enjoyable.

I want to be fair. I think the reasoon I turned on it was my own damn fault, and I’ll tel you why. I have an obsessive nature, which means I stick with one big game at a time. And  I play it for hours on end, even if I’m getting sick of it. That happens at the end of every From game, and it started to happen with Skyrim around the 50-hour mark. In addition, while I was enjoying the game, there were plenty of things that annoyed me in addition to the bad combat. One, the cumbersome fast travel system. Two, and this is a big one, the ridiculous encumbrance limit. You pick up five potatoes, and you’re over the limit. Add that to the limited fast travel, and it gets annoying fucking fast. I found an unlimited horse mod (so your horse can carry everything for you) and installed that bad boy IMMEDIATELY. Being overburdened is tnot fun. Yeah, maybe it’s realistic, but there are fucking dragons in this game.

No. Body. Likes. Encumbrance. As. A. Game. Mechanism.


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Hating on pop culture, part six

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Talking more about pop culture. In the last post, I wrote about TV shows I liked until I didn’t. And it was usually abrupt (and the last episode). Huh. Today I will talk about popular TV shows that I didn’t like from the start. To be fair, I only gave most of them one episode, but that’s all it should take. I can understand a ‘it takes 3 episodes to get good’. It was the same with BoJack for me, but there was something there from the start that kept me coming back.

Side note: This is often said in games, too. “It gets good around the 20 hour mark.” Which, fair. But also fair that some people don’t want to invest that much into a game. I love FromSoft games, but I understand why other people don’t. I’ve had friends be apologetic about not gelling with From games, but I compeletely understand why they feel that way. I will get to games in a future post.

Back to TV shows. It started with Seinfeld. That was popular when I was in my first job post-college. I worked for an extremely dysfunctional nonprofit and they were obsessed with Seinfeld. They insisted that it was the best show of all time, and they decided to watch the masturbation episode as a group. This was in 1993/4. I had heard of it, of course, but I had never watched it. I watched the episode with them, stone-faced, and did not laugh once. I was horrified that they thought it was ‘the best show ever’ when I thought it was utter trash.

Usually, I can understand why people like something even if I don’t, but in this case, I just could not get it. All the characters were deeply unpleasant and self-absorbed. I should note that I don’t like narcissism at all, having grown up with one. But, also, the whole premise of the episode was so tired and worn-out in its sexist assumption (that women don’t masturbate). I thought it was awful, to be frank.

I’ve seen snippets of it since, and it’s only strengthened my opinion that it’s an awful show. I could not make it through another full episode beacuse of how much I hate it.

There are a bunch of shows I’ve seen one episode of and have hated. It’s beacuse Ian had HBO and I would catch an episode whenever I saw him. That would be Red Wedding from Game of Thrones, the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad, and what I think was the first episode of the newest Adam Sorkin screed (The Newsroom, Google tells me).

I will tell you why it was not a good idea to see those episodes as the first episode to watch of the series. Red Wedding–I think it’s pretty obvious. It’s incredibly gory. Plus, the worry that the Dire Wolf would be killed was huge. And showing tits when it wasn’t necessary.

Side note: I hate the argument that female nudity/sexual assualt/etc. is necsesary beacuse it’s set in a time when that happened. It’s fantasy. If you can create a world in which fucknig dragons exist, you can make it so in that same world, there is no sexual assualt. The latter isn’t realistic? Well, neither is the former. It’s lazy thinking, selective realism, and, quite frankly, misogynistic. In addition, nothing about any of that appealed to me. And I hate excessive violence as well. Plus, I read the first chapter of the first book, and I found it turgid and too purple. In short, I disliked everything about it.

Breaking Bad, it was the sceond-to-last episode. Walter White was an unrpentant asshole, and I was asking why I should care at all what happened to him. I get that it was the journey that made him that way, but that didn’t make it any better as to who he actually was in the moment.

It’s hard. I appreciate realism, but I don’t necessarily want to watch violent media.

As for The Newsroom, ugh. Just ugh. I don’t like Adam Sorkin’s work in general (I thought The West Wing was just liberal indulgence, and I say this as an avowed liberal), and The Newsroom really rubbed me the wrong way. It’s just liberal screeds disguised as entertainment, and in the episode I saw, there was extremely uncomfortably sexist/rape apologist (in a dating situation). I had a very negative physical reaction to it and refused to watch the end of the episode.

Other shows I have seen clips/episodes of and did not like: Lost; The Sopranos; M*A*S*H; The Simpsons (and others of this ilk); The Office (both versions); and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. There are a few shows I’ve watched for seasons and did not think were actually good shows. It just happened to be what was allowed to be watched in my household. Those include: The Love Boat; Fantasy Island; Cheers; and, Friends.

Any new show that people like, I automatically disregard. I know that the chances of me liking something is slim to none. In addition, if the first five characters are white, I’m out. I have no interest in white people doing white people things. I just don’t. It’s like when I used to joke with other PoC on Twitter about camping. It’s white people shit!

Part of the reason I”m so picky is that I don’t enjoy TV as a medium. So if I’m going to actually watch a traditional TV show, it better be something I really like. Otherwise, why waste my time? That’s how I feel about pop culture in general. It has to be really good for me to consume it. Otherwise, why bother?

I’m fine with not liking movies and TV. I don’t talk about it with other people unless it’s brought up, but people tend to take a negative view of it, regardless. It’s that old, “You must be judging me for doing it” that I usually get from these kinds of exchanges. I can’t be any clearer. I don’t give a shit what other people do. I truly don’t. So I don’t understand why they give a shit about what I do or don’t do with my spare time.

Again, I know why. I just can’t do anything other than not talk about it. I know what they want (for me to watch/do the thing and to enjoy it, then to loudly proclaim that it’s a good thing), but I am not going to do that. I don’t have it in me.

Me and pop culture, part five

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In my last post, I talked about a few TV shows I’ve liked in the past. There is none that I’ve thought, “This is amazing. I must see what happens next!” I don’t watch any TV now except what I crall ‘gentle competition’ shows such as the original GBBO with Sue and Mel. I don’t expect those to be realistic, obviously, so that’s not an issue when I watch.

Oh! I did enjoy the Poirot series, despite it being problematic in several ways. One was using white British actors for all the roles, no matter what ethnicity the character was supposed to be. That was cringe-inducing. In addition, the later seasons tried to be more action-heavy than the novels–which was ludicrous and didn’t add anything to the stories. There was one in particular in which they added a gun where there absolutely didn’t need to be one. Like a doctor in a rural English town would have a gun in his home? In that day and age. Sigh.

David Suchet was sublime as Poirot, though. I have such respect for him. In addition, Pauline Moran, Hugh Fraser, and Philip Jackson were terrific as the back-up trio, and I was really sad that they got either cut out completely or drastically curtailed. I know it was supposedly for cost-saving measures, but it’s horseshit. They made the show along with Suchet, and there was something missing when they were done dirty like that.

In addition, if I wanted to watch it on Amazon Prime, I had to have two different subs in order to do so. Why? Because the series changed hands at some point. The first number of series is on, say, Acorn. The last half is on, say, BritBox. I’m not saynig it’s those two companies specifically, but it’s something like that. Which is fucking ridiculous. Hm. Now it’s just BritBox. I wonder what happened on that front. Anyway, what I did was sign up for the free trials, inhale the series (for the fourth or fifth time) in a week or so, then canceled my trial.

I should not have to do that. If I have a subscription to Prime, then I should actually be able to watch shit with my Prime membership. Otherwise, what’s the fucking point? Well, the point is free shipping–at least for me. It’s certainly not for the movie/TV seciton. I have been able to watch maybe one or two movies/TV shows for free that way, and I’ve basically given up.

That was a tangent!


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Popping pop culture, part four

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In the last post, I talked about two very popular authors I didn’t like. One I didn’t care that I didn’t like him, and the other, I really wished I did. In this post, I’m going to talk about…well, I’m not exactly sure, buet it’s going to be related. Let’s go!

Let’s talk TV shows. I don’t like them. The end.

Just kidding. Not about me not liking TV shows. I don’t for the most part. But about me not talking about why that is.

When I was a kid, my brother and I were not allowed to watch much TV. We watched Scooby Doo on the weekends like many kids of our generation did. The TV shows we watched on the regular were The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and when I was older, Cheers. I also remember watching Facts of Life and Different Strokes.

I didn’t love any of them, mind you. They were just what was on the TV at the time. I didn’t know much about American culture and my father was (is) a fierce Taiwanese nationalist. He did not like Ameircan food, TV, movies, or anything else. I’ve been to two or three American movies with him, and he fell asleep every time. That’s not unusual as he could fall asleep no matter what the circumstances. He also had sleep apnea, so that probably didn’t help the quality of his sleep.

I liked Xena: Warrior Princess, but mostly beacuse I had a huge crush on Lucy Lawless. She was so beautiful and such a badass as Xena. I loved the campiness of the show and the fact that it wsa loosely based on Greek mythology. I was proud of the fact that the star of Hercules (the show it spun off from) was from Minnesota–until he went off the rails and now I pretend he doesn’t exist.

I did not watch from the start. I think I started around the third or fourth season–oh, wow. There were only six seasons. I thought there were more than that. If that’s the case, then I might have started watching earlier.

At any rate, I watched season three beacuse that’s when Jacqueline Kim was on as Lao Ma, the wise mentor who taught Xena how to be patient, reserved, and not a total asshole. I instantly adored her (in part beacuse she’s Korean American) andI loved her in Charlotte Sometimes. It has its issues as a movie, but she was fantastic in it.

Boy. I just watched one of the scenes with Lao Ma in it. She’s still got it! Jacqueline Kim, I mean. Also, Lucy Lawless. I’m including the scene below. Please remember this was a decade-and-a-half ago so the quality is potatoes.


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What I (don’t) like about you (pop culture), part three

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In yesterday’s post, I talked about what a disappointment Knives Out was for me. I want to stress that it’s not a terrible movie–well, it is and isn’t a bad movie for me. But I’m not going to reiterate that in this post beacuse I want to move onto the two (white male cishet, I presume) writers that I can’t get into. One, I don’t like and don’t care that I don’t like. The other, I don’t like, and it’s really to my sorrow. I’rll start with the first and then move to the second because I’d like to end on a somewhat up note. You’ll see what I mean when I get there.

The first author is Stephen King. I’ve read excerpts of several of his book, but only one in toto. That would be The Dead Zone, and I read it at the recommendation of the person I was boning at the time. Who, yes, happened to be a cishet white dude himself.

Side note: To cishet white dudes out there. Read a book by a woman. Any woman. Do it once a year. Expand. Your. Fucking. Horizons. Is it enough? Not nearly, but it’s funny (depressing) how many cishet white dudes don’t even do that much. If 99% of the things you enjoy has been created by other cishet white dudes, I just can’t with you.

This is an anecdote I have told several times over. When I was in college and realized that there was a world outside of dead white men, I started reading books by women of color, specifically Asian women. There was a time when that was all I read (except for class stuff, of course). I made no bones about the fact that I was only reading Asian women. I had a white dude tell me that was as discriminatory as only reading dead white men.

My response? One, yes, yes it is. That takes the winds out of so many sails! When they want a fight and you agree with them. It’s so much fun! And, yes, of course it’s discriminatory, but he said it as if it was a bad thing. I did not argue with him about the politics of deliberately immersing yourself in a culture that is in the minority (and, need I remind him, my own goddamn fucking culture) and how it’s very different than excluding cultures (which is what most people do, even if it’s not a conscious choice) by only focusing on the majority.

Secondly and more importantly, I told him that I bet all the money I had that I had read more dead white dudes than he had read any people of color. Ididn’t even narrow it to Asian women. I was generous and said any people of color. He did not take me up on that bet, and he had very little to say after that.


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I (don’t) like what I (don’t) like, part two

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Yesterday, I wrote at length about Brokeback Mountain and why it disappointed me. Today, I want to start by talking about a movie I really wanted to like, but just did not. I’ve talked about it several times before, but I want to get into why I don’t like it more than what about it I don’t like. It’s not a distinction withot a difference, by the way.

It’s Knives Out. The second-to-last new movie I’ve seen. And, yes, I watched it when it first came out. I watched the trailer and was immediately put off. It was hypercut in a way that was very unpleasing to my eyes. I hate flashing lights; it’s part of my sensory sensitivity.

I wanted to give it a chance beacuse I love Poirot books–and David Suchet as Poirot. I saw the big, ensemble cast and hoped that I would get something similar with a modern glow up, but alas, that was not what I got.

Another issue was that Rian Johnson, the director made this big to-do to the critics about not spoiling the ending (when the perp is revealed). I don’t have an issue with thim not wanting the ending to be spoiled, but why did he feel the need to mention it specifically? Anyone knows that you don’t say who the killer is for a murder mystery. There’s no need to specifically say it.

The vibe of his message was that he thought his ending was so ingenious, cricics would be foaming at the mouth to reveal it.

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t brilliant at all. The first time I saw the perp, I knew it was them. I hoped I was wrong, but I was not. The reason for it was so banal, too, I’ll get to that later. Maybe.

Here’s one of the problems. I don’t like movies that aren’t realistic. Unless they are musicals. That’s a whole different thing. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched the trailer, but I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt.

Five minutes into the movie, I was already hating it. So much. The hypercuts kept going, and none of the characters seemed real. Which, ironically, was one of the only bright spots of the movie. I can say without reservation that the cast is brilliant. Jamie Lee Curtis stood out as my favorite, and her chewing up the scenery as she berated Don jJohnson (her hubby) for being a philanderer was my favorite scene in the movie. Hands down.


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I (don’t) like what I (don’t) like

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I want to talk about popular media/because I don’t like much/any of it. I’ve learned to keep my opinions to myself because lots of people do not appreciate hearing that someone doesn’t like their favorite book/movie/TV show/anything else.

When I used to use Facebook, I would post my opinions on my wall. Because it’s my wall! If there’s one place I should be able to be honst about my opinions, it’s on my own wall. Even then, I shied away from pop culture for the most part, but would comment gleefully about snow (which I love). Every winter, I would get one or two comments saying I would not like it so much if I had to shovel it and/or that I should not show so much happiness at something like that.

The first response annoyed me because if  you wanted to qualify like that, then I could start pushing back on other people’s joy. The person who liked to make that snide comment traveled fairly often. They never qualified it by saying something like, “I realize it’s a privilege to be able to travel around the world. Not everyone can.”

In addition, i’ts my fucking wall. I’m allowed to be joyful about whatever I wanted. In addition, I rarely showed unbridled joy at anything, so why shit all over it? If you don’t like the fact that I love snow, fucking block me during the winter! Unfollow me! Make your feed more pleasant for you.

The same thing happened in reverse when I was in my Christmas-hating phase. I would post about how much I hated Christmas because, again, it was my wall. I was allowed to post whatever the fuck I wanted. I had a friend at the time who loved Christmas. She would call me on my cell just so she could sing Christmas songs in my VM. Which, I will say, I did not appreciate.

She posted on her own wall how she wished people wouldn’t harsh her mellow about it. Again, FUCKING BLOCK ME. It’s my fucking wall, which means I get to post whatever the fuck I wanted.

This drives me nuts about, well, everything. We tend to notice the outlier to our own opinions and inflate how prevalent they are.

When I used to be on Twitter–by the way, I am not on social media any longer. I do have a Blue Sky (I think that’s what it’s called?), but I don’t use it. I just do not want to build up my network again, plus, I don’t want to bleat? I do’nt know what it’s called, but whatever. I’m calling it bleat.


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Just say no

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In yesterday’s post, I was talking about where to draw the line when it came to problematic creators. It always amuses/frustrates me when people try to lecture me about not giving my money to someone I personally abhor. Even if they were objectively true that I should not use my purchasing power in that way–

Which, by the way. Let’s unpack and dissect that a bit. Capitalism is based on buying what you want/need. And the basic tenet is ‘let the market decide’. In tangent, we are told that people ‘vote with their wallets’. To me, this means that me deciding NOT to give money to JKR, for example, is exactly how capitalism/politics are supposed to work. And yet, I’m told that somehow I’m doing her wrong by not buying her shit?

I want to emphasize again that no one is owed my money. I’m not talking about bills, of course, but about creators who are trying to entice me to part with my dollars. While I support the arts in general, I am not obligated to support any one artist. It’s fascinating to me that the political right, who are big proponents of capitalism (so they say) are the ones who throw a hissy fit when they perceive ‘cancel culture’ is happening.

Look. You can’t really have it both ways. You can’t say let the market decide unless it goes against my point of view. I mean, you can say that, but it’s not being internally logical. Which, I know. It may not surprise you to know that I don’t think much of the right and their ability to maintain an internal logic.

More to the point, though, is that they are really good at staying on message. It’s one thing I envy about the Republicans. Less so since that guy took over the party, but still. They will line up dutifully behind their party and repeat the talking points ad nauseam.

I wish the Democrats were as on message, but for better and worse, we are the big tent party. I have been a Dem since I was eighteen. Before that, really, but maybe not vocally.


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Mary, Mary, most contrary

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I am not a contrarian. Not deliberately so, anyway. I know that my mother believes I do it on purpose, but I really don’t. It’s not like I wake up and choose violence. I don’t think, “Hm, what is the most contrary position I can take?” and then voice that.

My mother once said to me in exasperation, “Something isn’t bad just because it’s tradition.” To which I replied, “That doesn’t make it automatically good, either.” She did not like that. At all.

It’s true, though. Just because something is tradition, it doesn’t mean we should keep doing it. I don’t see anything wrong with questioning something in order to time-test it. If it’s good, then continue to do it. If not, then let it go. I don’t think that’s controversial, but I know it is.

The biggest examples in my life are having children and getting married. Let’s add to that being in a long-term hetero relationship. Let’s lump all that together under the umbrella of family shit. I knew since I was young that I was going to get married to a man and have children. My mother made it very clear that it was my duty as a woman to have children and to take care of my husband. In the other order, actually.

When I was 22, I was madly in love with my boyfriend at the time. We were talking about having children and I realized that I did not want them. At all. I cannot tell you how great that felt. My heart lifted and I was free! I didn’t have to have children. It’s still the best decision I’ve made in my life, by the way.

Along with the biggies, though, there are the more medium choices that I’ve made that are weird. Like my hobbies. Taiji isn’t weird in and of itself, though it’s less popular in the States than is yoga. I had to Google that because while it feels true, I didn’t know for sure. Roughly 2.5 million people practice Taiji in America versus 37 million people and yoga. So, yeah, I was right. Taiji is way less popular, which is of no surprise to me. Hm. Another resource says 3.7 million practice Taiji in America. At any rate, it’s roughly 1/10th the amount that practices yoga or less.

I can only guess that those who study Taiji weapons is even less. This makes it a very niche hobby, which isn’t surprising to me. I did not choose it because it’s the lesser-practiced meditative practice, but it’s not surprising that I’m drawn to it in part for that reason.


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