Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: contrarian

Mary, Mary, most contrary

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I am not a contrarian. Not deliberately so, anyway. I know that my mother believes I do it on purpose, but I really don’t. It’s not like I wake up and choose violence. I don’t think, “Hm, what is the most contrary position I can take?” and then voice that.

My mother once said to me in exasperation, “Something isn’t bad just because it’s tradition.” To which I replied, “That doesn’t make it automatically good, either.” She did not like that. At all.

It’s true, though. Just because something is tradition, it doesn’t mean we should keep doing it. I don’t see anything wrong with questioning something in order to time-test it. If it’s good, then continue to do it. If not, then let it go. I don’t think that’s controversial, but I know it is.

The biggest examples in my life are having children and getting married. Let’s add to that being in a long-term hetero relationship. Let’s lump all that together under the umbrella of family shit. I knew since I was young that I was going to get married to a man and have children. My mother made it very clear that it was my duty as a woman to have children and to take care of my husband. In the other order, actually.

When I was 22, I was madly in love with my boyfriend at the time. We were talking about having children and I realized that I did not want them. At all. I cannot tell you how great that felt. My heart lifted and I was free! I didn’t have to have children. It’s still the best decision I’ve made in my life, by the way.

Along with the biggies, though, there are the more medium choices that I’ve made that are weird. Like my hobbies. Taiji isn’t weird in and of itself, though it’s less popular in the States than is yoga. I had to Google that because while it feels true, I didn’t know for sure. Roughly 2.5 million people practice Taiji in America versus 37 million people and yoga. So, yeah, I was right. Taiji is way less popular, which is of no surprise to me. Hm. Another resource says 3.7 million practice Taiji in America. At any rate, it’s roughly 1/10th the amount that practices yoga or less.

I can only guess that those who study Taiji weapons is even less. This makes it a very niche hobby, which isn’t surprising to me. I did not choose it because it’s the lesser-practiced meditative practice, but it’s not surprising that I’m drawn to it in part for that reason.


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Some things are unforgivable

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There are certain words and symbols that have morphed in ways I just cannot support. Or rather, I have a very different reaction to them based on their new meaning. One example is the American flag. After 9/11, it became a symbol of intolerance and hatred for me. People were putting up the American flag outside their homes and it felt dangerous not to do so. There was so much rhetoric about ‘Murika at that time, it angered me. I am already not a patriotic person because I don’t see any reason to think my country is better than any other simply because I was born here. And the way W. acted following 9/11 was an embarrassment. We had the goodwill of the world and he squandered it. I know it’s easy to forget given the horror of the last president, but W. was terrible in his own way.

I grew to hate the American flag because it symbolized jingoism, groupthink, and nationalism–none of which I approve. To me, it meant ‘shut up and do as you’re told’, which is against my nature. I am a self-admitted contrarian, which is not a good thing. It’s not completely a bad thing, either, but I’m just noting it is a thing with me. I am always going to see the other side, but not in a devil’s advocate way. Sometimes, conventional wisdom is correct, but often, it should at least be questioned.

My other big bugaboo is the word forgiveness. I instinctively wince when I hear it/read it because it’s become so toxic to me. Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of it, not even when I was a purported Christian*. I can understand in theory the idea behind it, but I don’t approve of the current use–which is deeply rooted in Christianity.

How I view forgiveness: the person who is being wronged is pushed to pretend it never happened and not every bring it up again. The perp is not punished in any way and is allowed to continue on as they were before. They should not be made to feel one iota of discomfort. Indeed, the victim is the one who must bear all the pain, not just the brunt.

If the perp says they’re sorry, then the vic must accept it. Hell, the perp doesn’t even have to say they’re sorry before people pressure the vic to ‘move on’. Is this unfair? Maybe, but it’s how it’s played out day after day.

Side Note: I gave up on gun control after Sandy Hook. If people couldn’t be assed to do anything after 20 kids were killed in the most brutal way possible, the group that is purported to be held in the highest esteem, then nothing is ever going to change. Prayers and tears are all that are ever going to be offered, even though most Americans, even NRA members, want better gun control bills. The Onion has a brilliant and brutal response to the latest mass shooting: all their news briefs are the bit they run every time there’s a shooting from many different incidents. I remember reading it after the Colorado shooting and thinking it was perfection itself and they do it every time there’s a shooting now. Printing several of them, one after the other, is brilliant.


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On the contrary; life as a contrarian

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I’m a contrarian. I know this and to some extent, I embrace it. I swear to the heavens that it’s not out of spite or because I think I’m better than anyone else, but it’s just how my brain works. I tend to look at something from several angles and poking holes in theories. I will say that part of it is me always rooting for the underdog, which means I want to represent the minority viewpoint more often than not. It’s also because I hate things being misrepresented. It’s one reason I had to step back from politics because of the in-fighting. I expect Republicans to attack Dems, but it’s Dems viciously tearing each other apart that drives me fucking nuts. It’s always been that way, but it started getting really bad during the 2016 primaries and it has just gotten worse over time.

I am a far leftie in theory and a not-quite-as-far leftie in practice. That means I get to see the ugly on both sides. It really irks me that some Democrats online spend more time slinging arrows at each other than across the bow. What is the fucking point? I’m not talking about discussing the differences and hashing out what’s important to the party. I’m talking about demonizing the other side and declaring them the enemy. Seriously. We’re talking about degrees of how far we should go on an issue rather than being on opposite sides. It’s frustrating and irritating, and I want no part of it.

However, this post isn’t about me being a contrarian about ideas and politics and whatnot, but rather about me being contrarian when it comes to pop culture.  Now, while it’s true that in the aforementioned instances, there is often a small part of pure contrarian because that’s who I am. It’s 95% not that, but maybe 5% that. In this case, though, it’s simply I don’t like what other people like. I know some people think it’s me being hip or whatever, but it truly isn’t.

A recent(ish) example is Knives Out. It was a huge success and it got raved about over and over again. So many superlatives, so little time. It was an ensemble cast with a quirky detective, which should have been right up my alley. I watched the trailer and was…not impressed. Everyone talked about how great Daniel Craig was, but I could not get past how terrible his accent was. Maybe it was purposeful? I mean, he’s a great actor so I cannot imagine he couldn’t do a spot-on accent. Also, he appears clueless, but it had to be an act, right? Like Poirot.


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My contrarian side coming out to play

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In this time of enforced self-isolation, I feel a compulsion to leave the house. I’m not going to do it unless absolutely necessary, but it’s part of my, shall we say, oppositional personality. Tell me I can’t do something, and I’ll do the opposite. I’m the same in arguments. If someone gives me one side of a story, then I automatically see the other side (even i f I agree with the first side). There are few topics in which this does not hold true, but in general, I can think of a thousand reasons why someone might have done something.

Side Note: Advice columns are a great way to see the fallacy in people’s thinking. And reading comprehension. Recent relevant example. There have been a few letters about the covid-19, of course, and in each, the LW was asking about how to navigate living with a significant other and dealing with business-related issues such as trying to interview while your partner is taking a conference call in a 500-square foot apartment. The partner was specifically at home because of the covid-19, so it wasn’t a normal situation. Several of the first comments were, “Go to a nearby cafe/library/park.” I mean….Not to be rude, but that defeats the purpose. Which, thankfully, several other people pointed out. It happens regularly, and it’s pretty annoying. Or, people will go down one train of thought and no matter how much evidence to the contrary, refuse to give it up. I know it’s natural human nature, but it’s annoying as fuck.

Side Note II: I am extremely picky when it comes to consuming popular media. I have so many things that irritate me, it’s difficult for me to find something that doesn’t tick me off on some level. It’s the same as my sensitivity to, well, everything. It’s why I don’t watch many movies or television shows, and it’s why I fall off things hard after some time. Right now, I’m trying to find a Sekiro* playthrough, and I’ve watched the first five minutes of a dozen YouTubers/Twitchers. I’ve done this before with the same results. I watch five minutes, cringe, then shut it off. What are the things that turn me off? I’ll quickly list them.

  1. Sexism. Unfortunately, it’s still a man’s world, and it’s still rife with sexism.
  2. Teabagging. I think it’s stupid, and I hate the underlying gross humor.
  3. Screaming and shouting as theatrics. Not my style. At all.
  4. A grating voice. Ugh.
  5. Someone who talks all the time.
  6. Chicks who try to out-bro the dudes.
  7. Anyone who is too good.
  8. Someone who misses things by not paying attention/not reading.


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