I am continuing on my martial arts journey. I’m still working on both the Cane Form and the Fan Form. I have to stop myself from rushing onto the next weapon form because I still have spots in this form that are giving me trouble. Again, I need to make sure the corrections stick in my brain and not just blithely assume that I’ll remember them by omosis.
Side note: When I was a kid, my mother was very pushy about me doing things perfectly. An A- was as bad as an F, but only for me. My brother had obvious learning disaibilities (unlike my hidden neuroatypical traits) as well as being on the spectrum, so my mother focused on him rather than me. I was just quietly deeply depressed and anxious, and I hated waking up every day of my life.
In yesterday’s post, I talked about the connection between my neurospiciness and my obsession with the weapon forms. In retrospect, it’s hard to accept that I had overlooked something so obvious about myself. To be fair to me, though, neurodiversity was not something that was talked about at all when I was a kid. In fact, I would say most people didn’t know it existed. I certainly didn’t.
Side note: I got my flu shot yesterday and was wiped out from it. I do really badly with shot, and this was no exception. I was exhausted from it and still am. This is my way of saying why I did not finish this post yesterday. Well, at least part of the reason. I’m still tired AF, but I’m going to try to write a post today.
I have felt like a dilettante for so long. I mean, I practice every day, but not super-seriously like some people. I know there are people who have made their whole life the weapons (like my teacher’s classmate), and I wish I could emulate them. That’s not the way I roll, though. I can’t put in several hours every day constantly refining my skills. I mean, I think I could, but then I would just get lost in it to a negative degree.
Obsession is a double-edged sword, pardon the pun. I have to be very careful how much I put into it because I can get drawn into it way too deep.
Side note II: When I was in my twenties, I would become obsessed with something for a short period of time and throw myself into it. One was jigsaw puzzles. Not just doing them, but collecting them. So I would get dozens on eBay and just stash them away. Another was black…ah…fake diamond?? rings. Some kind of manmade ‘gem’. Black is my favorite color and diamond is my birth gem.