Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: negative traits

The dark side of humanity

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I am a negative person. I will always see the flaws in something, no matter what. It can be the best idea on earth, but I’ll see the cracks in the foundation. Let’s take Elden Ring for example. Because of course I would want to talk more about it; it’s constantly on my mind. It’s a fantastic game, but it’s not perfect. By the way, it quickly rose on my list of favorite FromSoft games. Here’s the list as it currently stands. Demon’s Souls is not on the list because I have not played it. I wish it would come to the PC already!

  1. Dark Souls III
  2. Elden Ring
  3. Dark Souls
  4. Dark Souls II (SotFS)
  5. Bloodborne
  6. Sekiro

When I started Elden Ring, it was immediately ahead of Bloodborne and Sekiro in terms of games I’d rather play. It’s not a list of the best From games because I don’t do that kind of ranking, but of my favorites. I’m more a Souls person than a Sekiroborne person. I think Sekiro and Bloodborne are both fantastic games, but they just do not lend themselves to my style of play. Souls games don’t, really, either, but at least I can cobble something together in those.

Anyway, the more I play Elden Ring, the more I appreciate it and obsess over it. I’m still not done with the second legacy dungeon. Apparently, I’ve stumbled over a few other main story bosses who are in the field; I haven’t beaten either one.

Still. There are issues. The technical issues have mostly smoothed out for me. There is micro-stuttering once in awhile and the game takes a few seconds to shut down, but other than that, it runs great. I don’t notice pop-ins, though, so that may be happening under my nose.  But with my higher-end graphics card, it’s running well.


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The sins of the parent

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One thing I hate when my parents are around is how I’m relegated to being baby once again. My brother is three years older, and he gets treated as if he were the font of wisdom whereas I’m…well, it’s complicated, and I’ll get to it in a second. One thing that everyone in my family has in common is that we all have Strong Opinions on things and will not let it go. It manifests in different ways with each of us. My father simply refuses to acknowledge points other than his own and hammers his own opinion over and over again. Over the decades, he has perfected the art of the blank look followed by simply repeating what he already said. He does not argue in good faith, and he’s not really looking for other opinions. My mother will acknowledge the other position, but then immediately want to drop the subject if it gets at all uncomfortable. In a way, it’s more frustrating because she’s vent for a half hour; I’ll give my opinion for five minutes; then she wants to change the topic if I don’t simply agree with her.

My brother states his opinions confidently, and while he’s willing to hear other opinions, it’s often hard to face his confidence with equanimity. Even when I know I’m right, I hesitate in the face of his certainty. One example that always stands out in my mind is Daylight Savings Time. For whatever reason, I had looked up whether the farmers were for or against it (I think we talked about it in taiji or something), and then it came up in a conversation with my brother and parents. This was a few summers ago, and I don’t remember the details. I do remember my brother stating the urban myth reason of farmers pushing for DST, which was what I believed before looking it up. Even though I knew he was wrong because I had just looked it up, he said it with no doubt in his voice, and I started thinking I had misremembered what I Googled. I looked it up again on, and I was right. Also, he does not get emotional reasoning at all (or thinks he doesn’t. He does it himself, but rationalizes it as logical), so he can’t understand why someone doesn’t just listen to all the facts he’s presenting and see the reasonableness of his position.

Me, I do one of two things. Either I say nothing at all or I forcefully state my opinion. There is no in-between for me, and I feel bad regardless of which route I choose. Nobody in my family can argue/debate without pushing it to the limits, and it gets really annoying when we’re all together. I’m working on my own issues around this, but it’s slow-going. I have a bad temper, which I try to keep under control. For the most part it works, but when my buttons are pushed, I blurt shit out without thinking about it because I’m pissed. Or at least deeply irritated. I get this from my father, and it’s not pretty. For many years, I just stuffed it down deep inside because I wasn’t allowed to show anger. Only my father was, and, oh, did he show it. Then, I was angry all the time and popping off about everything. I’ve managed to temper the rage somewhat with the help of therapy and taiji, but it’s still something I struggle with on a daily basis.


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