Underneath my yellow skin

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Dog days of summer

One of the most frustrating things about having a background in psychology and a fairly in-depth knowledge of my own behavior and why I act the way I do is that it doesn’t make it any easier for me to actually do anything about it. In fact, it makes it harder sometimes because then I will berate myself on top of not doing what I need to do. I can sit there with my (last) therapist and say, “I procrastinate on doing what I need to do because I dread the negative consequences if I mess it up.” I make a lot of sense when I talk about my issues, and before my last therapist, I was able to snow the three or four therapists I had before her.At the end of the last post, I mentioned that it was hard to fix my bad behavior, even if I knew what I was doing wrong.

This is not a humblebrag, by the way–me saying that I could run rings around most of my therapists/counselors. It’s a flat-out brag. Or rather, it’s the truth. I am really fucking smart, especially when it comes to people and motivations. Including my own. I’m a bit of a Cassandra in that I know what is going to happen before it happens, but people don’t want to/can’t hear me. Then, I have to watch the shit happen as I predicted without hollering, “I fucknig told you so!” afterwards.

My mother on the other hand, not only doesn’t know her own issues, she denies she has any. That’s not completely fair. She knows some of her issues such as that she’s anxious about everything, but she has an excuse/reason for it all. She justifies her anxiety, even when I point out that it won’t help anything to be anxiaus about her situation. It’s not as if I don’t have compassion. I have anxiety as well, and I have a hell of a time keeping it under control. Well, I used to before my medical crisis. It’s not as bad now, but it’s slowly creeping up again.

The difference, though, is that I try to mitigate my anxiety whereas my mother does not. She displaces it by dumping it on my brother and me–repeatedly. Ironically for a therapist, she has every excuse not to see a therapist herself. The only time she did was when she had to for her practicum. She still talks to that woman as her mentor (my mother’s mentor), but they no longer do therapist/client sessions. As far as I know. I have mentioned to my mother more than once that she should see a therapist. This was usually at the point where I was about to snap because I could not take it any longer.


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Squad goals for a new year

Yesterday was my birthday. I have been on this earth for 53 years, and I should have died for good 2 1/2 years ago. I don’t really consider my birthday my birthday any longer beacuse I was reborn on another day. That wouldbe September 3rd, 2021. More pragmatically, it should be a week later when I woeke up for good, but I preferred to mark it as the day I had my two cardiac arrests and a stroke. Not to mention walking (non-COVID-related) pneumonia.

I died twice that night and slipped into a coma. I was not expected to wake up, and my brother was told that he probably should start planning for my funeral. Also, he was told to start thinking about whether to pull the plug or not, which still haunts me to this day. That’s a decision that no one should have to make, and i hated the idea that he had to think about it at all.

We had talked about it before. Not  directly about pulling the plug, but about Whether or not we’d want to live without any brain activity. I was emahatic that I did not want to because Terry Schiavo was one of my worst night mares. Her body being kept alive for nearly two deacdes (I believe) because her parents wanted it still haunts me. I would not want that, plus it’s a waste of time, energy, and resources.

I will admit that I was surprised they were talking about it that soon (less than a week after I was rushed to the hospital), but it was probably because I was so far gone and was not expected to live. Recentlry, my mother told me about the scale they used to determine how bad it was with a person in a coma (Glasgow Coma Scale). It’s a point system, and they assign diffrenet points to how alert you are.

My mother brought it up because someone in her church was in a coma. 3 was the lowest you could get and still be alive. There were three categories, so it was 1 per category. She couldn’t remember what my score was, but she was pretty sure it was very low. I was not responding to external stimuli, and my medical team was very worried about me.

Side note:  I am very sensitive to meds because I’m Asian. This is a thing, but doctors don’t seem to know it. My brother tried to tell my doctors that might be part of the issue, but they were not paying attention.

Trulyy, I should have stayed dead. My medical team were diplomatic about it, but they basically told my brother there was no hope. this still messes with my brain sometimes.

I used up all my luck in that one event. I don’t deserve any more because it was a huge ask. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a little luck in other ways. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don’t. With my latest personal tragedy, I would have given up several years of my life not to have to go through it–yet. It would have happened at some point, but my god. I just can’t deal with it.

I was very lucky in that I have not had many negative effects from my medical crisis. What has been impacted, I chalk up as a fair trade-off. My peripheral vision, which has never been good, is almost nonexistent now. My refelxes are worse than before–and they were never great. My memory which used to be stellar went haywire with the medical crisis. Part of that was probably the drugs, too. Now, my memory is better than it was was when I first got out of the hospital, but not as good as it used to be back in my youth.

The last point could also partly be because of age. Memory gets worse as you get older, obviously.

The one thing I’m worried about is my ability to write fiction. I can still write posts, obviously, but I’m struggling with the fiction. I can picture what I want to write about, but it just doesn’t flow the way it used to. Before my medical crisis, I had stories in my head all the time. Now, I don’t have them at all. I have ideas, but not the full stories.

I have two ideas that  Iwould like to write. One is based on my experience in the hospital which was wild. I was high as a kite and everything  ithought I was happening probably didn’t. I have tales about that time that would curl your hair–if they actually happneed.

Of course, I did not realize at the time that it was me being delusional. I didn’t figure that out until months after  Ireturned home. Some of it like the testing happneed, but others such as two cabals did not.

I hope I can write fiction at some point. I have tried and gotten about fifty pages in more than once before giving up. I had two different ideas, and now I have threee in part beacuse of my personal tragedy. I ‘m wornderiing if  Ican combine the three and see if it makes any coherent sense. I would be really unhappy if my ability to write fiction was gone completely.

Is it worth it? Well, yes, of course. I mean, I’m alive. There really isn’t a better alternative to that. But I’m frustrated beacuse I used to write fiction with ease. I’ve written dozen of novels in the past. Writing is easy for me; it’s editing that is my weak point.

Swear to god, I’m not humblebragging or bragging when I say that. I have always been able to write prolifically and easily. my rule was to write a thousand to two thousand word post a day and two thousand words of fiction. that’s thee thousand a words a day, and it was never a problem.

When I started doing NaNoWriMo, I met the goal with ease. It was never a problem so I started setting other goals for myself. Then, NaNo Rebels started, which was what I was doing from the beginning.

I’m done for now. More tomorrow.