Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: memoir

Novel in November (part four)

Here’s the thing about writing a novel (at least for me). When I get an idea in my head that won’t leave, I know I need to write about it. Before my medical crisis, this was not an issue because what got stuck in my head was what I wanted to write about, anyway. Now, however, I’m not sure I want to write about what I’m obsessing over–even though it will be the background for what I do want to write.

Oh, here’s yesterday’s post. I went off the rails for quite a long time, but that’s part of my writing style. It’s not going to change, and let’s face it, I don’t want to change it. I ilke it. I think it gives my writing character. I already know that I am not for everyyone if not most people, and I am fine with that, too. In fact, there are people I hope I’m not for, and I want to antagonize the shit out of them.

To put it plainly, I write about several topics that fit into the term DEI. Which, as we know, is a dirty word with the current administration and his acolytes. I talk about race, gender, sexual identity, religion (a lack there of), and other things considered problematic by this administration. I’m not married, and I don’t have kids; I have no desire to marry, and I never wanted children. I had cats, which I much prefer to human babies (for me).

I don’t believe in rigid gender norms/roles–indeed, I don’t see any reason for them. One of the reasons I have an easy time with pronouns is because, well, there are several reasons for that. The reason related to this is that since I don’t see why we have rigid gender roles, it’s easy for me to accept people as their stated gender.

I don’t know if I’m explaining this well, so I’ll try again.

I’m a weirdo. I have always been a weirdo. I have always had to mask and calibrate myself to not freak out the normies too much. I didn’t even realize I had to do this until I was in my twenties (which made my childhood and teens very difficult). Once I realized how much of a weirdo I was, I studied normies so I could try to see what made them tick. Plus, the whole emotional support person thing I’ve talked about countless times before (my mother forced me to be that for her). I put my high EQ to work, and I came up with an acceptable way to be around normies–for the most part.

There is very little that I find shocking as a result. I mean, there are things that bother me, disturb me, and disgust me, but shock me? Very rare. That’s not a flex or a humblebrag, by the way. It is just the way I am.


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Nanowhatmo? Part four

I’m back at it again to explore more about what I want from my writing. Specifically, if I want to do NaNoWriMo and if so, what I’ll do for it. In the past, writing 50,000 words in a month was not a problem. I made a personal goal to write 2,000 words a day, which I did mostly with ease.

Yesterday I wrote about reality versus what I thought was reality when I was on very heavy drugs. I was 100% convinced that what I experienced was real. My brother asked me months later about one thing I had rambled about whilst heavily drugged. He asked if it had actually happened, and I immediately said no. I had Googled it after I got out of the hospital and found no mention of it. I would have if what I thought happened had really happened.

Once the drugs had cleared my system, I realized that most of what I thought had happened could not have/did not happen. I read up on it and realized that hopsital psychosis (and delusions) was a thing. I didn’t have any truly traumatic delusions, thankfully, but it was such a wild ride. I thought everyone taking care of me weer PoC, which was really nice. In reality, there wasn’t anyone of color on my team (according to my brother and the pictures I saw of the staff a year later).

I want to talk about it because it’s had a deep and lasting impact on me. To put it plainly, I have a week missing from my memory and a week of memories that are a complete lie. Delusions, almost all of them. Well, roughly 90% of them. Let me say not remembering a week is a trip in and of itself. Actually, it’s more like a week-and-a-half. The memory wipe was retroactive and took away a half week leading up to my hospitalization. My heart doc said this was normal and he told me about one of his patients who was on vacation when he had a suddent cardiac arrest. He could not remember any of the vacation leading up to the cardiac arrest.

I remmeber on Tuesday emailing my Taiji teacher to let her know I was not attending the Zoom class that evening. I remember  messaging Ian Thursday morning to talk about Nioh 2 (which we were both playing). That’s it for that week. I had my medical crisis at 3 in the morning Friday night/Saturday morning and have no memory of it. At all. When my brother told me what happened, I was astonished because I had not a whisper of a memory of it happening.

I stayed in a coma until Thursday. My brother set up a CaringBridge journal while I was in the hospital and he noted at a quarter to seven in the evening that just as he was walking to the car to drive to the hospital to see me, the doctor called him to tell him that I had woken up.


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Squad goals for a new year

Yesterday was my birthday. I have been on this earth for 53 years, and I should have died for good 2 1/2 years ago. I don’t really consider my birthday my birthday any longer beacuse I was reborn on another day. That wouldbe September 3rd, 2021. More pragmatically, it should be a week later when I woeke up for good, but I preferred to mark it as the day I had my two cardiac arrests and a stroke. Not to mention walking (non-COVID-related) pneumonia.

I died twice that night and slipped into a coma. I was not expected to wake up, and my brother was told that he probably should start planning for my funeral. Also, he was told to start thinking about whether to pull the plug or not, which still haunts me to this day. That’s a decision that no one should have to make, and i hated the idea that he had to think about it at all.

We had talked about it before. Not  directly about pulling the plug, but about Whether or not we’d want to live without any brain activity. I was emahatic that I did not want to because Terry Schiavo was one of my worst night mares. Her body being kept alive for nearly two deacdes (I believe) because her parents wanted it still haunts me. I would not want that, plus it’s a waste of time, energy, and resources.

I will admit that I was surprised they were talking about it that soon (less than a week after I was rushed to the hospital), but it was probably because I was so far gone and was not expected to live. Recentlry, my mother told me about the scale they used to determine how bad it was with a person in a coma (Glasgow Coma Scale). It’s a point system, and they assign diffrenet points to how alert you are.

My mother brought it up because someone in her church was in a coma. 3 was the lowest you could get and still be alive. There were three categories, so it was 1 per category. She couldn’t remember what my score was, but she was pretty sure it was very low. I was not responding to external stimuli, and my medical team was very worried about me.

Side note:  I am very sensitive to meds because I’m Asian. This is a thing, but doctors don’t seem to know it. My brother tried to tell my doctors that might be part of the issue, but they were not paying attention.

Trulyy, I should have stayed dead. My medical team were diplomatic about it, but they basically told my brother there was no hope. this still messes with my brain sometimes.

I used up all my luck in that one event. I don’t deserve any more because it was a huge ask. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a little luck in other ways. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don’t. With my latest personal tragedy, I would have given up several years of my life not to have to go through it–yet. It would have happened at some point, but my god. I just can’t deal with it.

I was very lucky in that I have not had many negative effects from my medical crisis. What has been impacted, I chalk up as a fair trade-off. My peripheral vision, which has never been good, is almost nonexistent now. My refelxes are worse than before–and they were never great. My memory which used to be stellar went haywire with the medical crisis. Part of that was probably the drugs, too. Now, my memory is better than it was was when I first got out of the hospital, but not as good as it used to be back in my youth.

The last point could also partly be because of age. Memory gets worse as you get older, obviously.

The one thing I’m worried about is my ability to write fiction. I can still write posts, obviously, but I’m struggling with the fiction. I can picture what I want to write about, but it just doesn’t flow the way it used to. Before my medical crisis, I had stories in my head all the time. Now, I don’t have them at all. I have ideas, but not the full stories.

I have two ideas that  Iwould like to write. One is based on my experience in the hospital which was wild. I was high as a kite and everything  ithought I was happening probably didn’t. I have tales about that time that would curl your hair–if they actually happneed.

Of course, I did not realize at the time that it was me being delusional. I didn’t figure that out until months after  Ireturned home. Some of it like the testing happneed, but others such as two cabals did not.

I hope I can write fiction at some point. I have tried and gotten about fifty pages in more than once before giving up. I had two different ideas, and now I have threee in part beacuse of my personal tragedy. I ‘m wornderiing if  Ican combine the three and see if it makes any coherent sense. I would be really unhappy if my ability to write fiction was gone completely.

Is it worth it? Well, yes, of course. I mean, I’m alive. There really isn’t a better alternative to that. But I’m frustrated beacuse I used to write fiction with ease. I’ve written dozen of novels in the past. Writing is easy for me; it’s editing that is my weak point.

Swear to god, I’m not humblebragging or bragging when I say that. I have always been able to write prolifically and easily. my rule was to write a thousand to two thousand word post a day and two thousand words of fiction. that’s thee thousand a words a day, and it was never a problem.

When I started doing NaNoWriMo, I met the goal with ease. It was never a problem so I started setting other goals for myself. Then, NaNo Rebels started, which was what I was doing from the beginning.

I’m done for now. More tomorrow.

The world is my oyster

It’s been a year since I had my medical crisis/trauma, and it’s for me to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I gave myself six months to adjust to life after the hospital, which has just drifted into a year.

It was difficult when my parents were here because they wanted to push me on my life choices. Within a month of me being home, my mother was pressuring me to figure out the rest of my life. She was weirdly persistent about it even after I made it painfully clear to her that I was waiting three to six months before making any decisions.

After they went back home, I realized it was because my father was obsessed with it, but didn’t bring it up to me. Instead, he talked about it with her and she pushed it on me. That’s my parents in a nutshell. My father gets a bee in his bonnet about something, then he’s so unpleasant about it, he makes my mom have to manage his mood/emotions/behavior.

Then, she nags me about it because she can’t stand him yelling at her about it. So she was pushing me so hard about it because he was pushing her. I should have realized it, but to be fair to me, I was still out of my gourd.

I told her that I was not going to talk about it for six months. Funnily (not), she heard  my earlier three to six months comment and stuck with the short end of the stick. She kept mentioning three months, even when I said SIX months. Honestly, I just ignored her. I refused to talk about it, reminding her about my statement. She didn’t like it, but there wasn’t much she could do about it.

Now, however, I need to think about it. It’s been a year. My joke with my friends (which is not a joke) is that they get a year to talk about the major thing happening in their life, and then they had to scale it back. They’ve never pushed it because my friends are balanced and do not natter on about one thing for too long.

I found myself to be the same way. Yes, I talked about it quite a bit. Yes, there was a lot I had to unpack when it came to that situation, and, yes, it’s an important part of my life that will never go away, but…what was I saying?


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More lessons I’ve learned

There are many lessons I’ve learned from my medical trauma. I mentioned some of them in my previous post and I want to expand on the topic in this one. When I started that post, my intent was to talk about my family dysfunction, but I got caught up in other things.

I would never wish what happened to me on anyone. It was terrifying, confusing, and messed with me on many levels. However, ultimately, I believe it was a net positive for me. Why? Let me count the ways. One, it cleared up the is there an afterlife question for me (no). Two, it made all my body issues disappear. Three, it helped me see that life is short and that we really do only have one life. Er, maybe not so much that as I did die twice. Four, I’m cute AF! Five, I don’t have the patience for nitpicky bullshit. Six, I have a point of view that is unique and worth expressing. There are some other ones, but they’re similar to the ones I’ve stated.

I used to have low self-esteem. I thought I had to earn the right to live. I was disgusting, toxic, and bad for the planet. Yes, that’s what I earnestly believed for decades. I thought that it would be better if I was dead, but I didn’t have the courage to kill myself.  I’m not saying this was sane or logical, but it was the way my brain worked at the time. Therapy couldn’t shake the belief that I had to earn the right to live.

Taiji helped me start inching my way to a healthier outlook. I could go into a crowd without flinching, even if I still didn’t like it. I was more at ease with my body, even if  I still avoided looking in the mirror. I didn’t like the way I looked, but I didn’t hate it, either. I had reached a detente  with my body (and my face), which was the most I could hope.


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