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What is truth and what is lie? (Part two)

Posted on July 31, 2025 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

In yesterday’s post, I was talking about when I had no problem lying and when I had to tell the truth. It gets murky because I am not always sure about what is really the truth. Also, memory is expansive, and we know that it changes every time you think about soomething.

I said yesterday that I had no problem with lying about insignificant things. Yes, the hot weather is wonderful. Isn’t it great that it’s summer and the sun is shining? The answers to that is no and yes. Summer isn’t great, but I do like the sun shining–as long as I am inside and the sun is outside.

What else can I lie about? Movies, food, music, TV, and almost anything else pop culture. Hm. Well, I don’t lie, but let’s say I evade, obfuscate, and skirt the truth. I learned in my mid-twenties that many people really do not want to hear anything negative about things they like. I got dumped for not liking Pulp Fiction and saying why I did not like it (only after being asked by my then-boyfriend). He had been so sure I would like it (this was years after it was released, and it was his favorite movie).I had seen the trailer, and I was pretty sure I would not like it. He insisted I would.

I did not. I hated it from the first shot until the very last. I disliked the hypercuts, the slickness, and the glorification of the ultraviolence. Not to mention the rampant sexism and latent racism, and all the other problmatic issues with it.

I tried to be even-handed and diplomatic when I explained why I did not like the movie. After I was done (it took about fifteen minutes), there was complete silence. He had a look of shock on his face, and my heart sank as the silence dragged on. When he spoke, he simply said, “I can’t be with someone who has that world view” and then dumped me.

I have had other people be really upset when I said I didn’t like a movie, a band, a TV show, or anything else. I did not understand that because nobody liked what I liked. If I got into a TV show, for example, it would for sure be canceled within a year.

Because of this, I have no attatchment to what I like. Or rather, I don’t take offense if someone doesn’t like what I like. I would prefer not to have it sneered at, but if someone doesn’t like it and presents thoughtful reasons why, then I’m fine with that.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to cotton on to the fact that many people are deeply invested in the things they like. Once I realized it, I tried to curb my impulse to say what I really felt. It was really hard because it made me feel like I was going backwards into my childhood again.

The difference between the truth and a lie

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

I am neurodivergent. Probably. I have no official diagnosis, but it’s something I’ve slowly come to realize over the past few years. There are many reasons I never considered that I may be autistic, and I want to focus on one of them today. It’s the truism that autistic people can’t lie. They have to tell you the truth, no matter what.

I can lie like the proverbial rug. I can lie glibly and without blinking. I can lie and make you believe it’s the god’s honest truth. There are just many different factors that have to be met in order for me to do that. Or a combination of several of them, if not all.

1. If youu’re a stranger to me or someone I only see in passing, I will lie about all the little things that people consider small talk. An example. I hate the heat. And to me, anything over 70 is hot. I start getting grumpy at around 65 degrees, and if we go over 80, I will be a very unhappy person.

And yet, if someone like a cashier at the grocery store starts talking about how wonderful the weather is and it’s 90 and sunny, I’ll just nod and smile. “It sure is summer!” I’ll say without hesitation. I will never acutally say I’m happy for it to be hot, but I’ll give the impression that I agree.

In this case, it’s a very low-stakes situation with no consequence for lying. I’m not going to have a frank conversation with someone I’m so superficial with. There’s no point, and my brain is fine with this.

By the way, I understand that many autistic people find this difficult because they can’t fathom why they should lie about something so inconsequential. It can fuck them up in the workplace because they don’t understand that small talk is just a social lubricant to keep the wheels spinning easily.

I don’t give a shit about any of it, but I was forced at a very early age to learn how to do it. Not because of society, though that was a byproduct (that I learned how to be socially competent for the most part), but because I became my mother’s emotional support human when I was young (eleven or so).

As a result, I have become very adept at suppressing my own emotions, reactions, and inner workings. So much so, in fact, that I–well, let me back that up a bit.

Ever since I was a kid, I had no idea what I felt. Again, this was because I became my mother’s emotional support human at a young age, but it’s also because, I think, of my neurospiciness. This is a hard one to tease out because I was defeated by life by the time I was seven. I remember realizing that I would die one day and being both terrified by the idea and drawn to it.