I am still working on the Double Fan Form, albeit very slowly. I have taught myself 18 out of 48 postures, so I’m over a third of the way through. That’s being very generous to myself, though, because I have had to go over several postures several times.
Here’s the thing.
*Looks both ways before whispering*
Most of the forms have been easy for me to learn. Long Solo Form? Fairly easy. Sword Form? Really easy. Saber Form was frustrating as fuck because I did not get it and did not like the way it felt, but it wasn’t hard to learn the postures themselves.
When I decided to learn Bagua in addition to Taiji, that was definitely a mind shift. It’s a very diffeernt martial art (much more aassertive whereas Taiji is, well, not passive, but receptive), and I had to adjust to that (not to mention different weighting of the feet. In Taiji, it’s usually 70/30 front/back. In Bagua, on the other hand, it’s 40/60 front/back. Which is a massive adjustment.
Once I got more used to it, though, I found learning the Swimming Dragon Form to be pretty smooth and intuitive. There are a few postures that messed with my mind, but for the most part, I didn’t have too much trouble learning the postures/movements.
Side note: I have to take a minute to explain that my teacher considers being taught each posture to having learned the form. She will say you’ve graduated once she teaches you the last posture. That doesn’t mean you know the form, obviously, but it’s still a good feeling.
The Fan Form was the first form I taught myself after my medical crisis. I taught it to myself in roughly thrree months, but then forgot chunks of it over time. Recently, I was teaching myself the left side when I realized that I had started fudging some of the right side. So I taught it to myself over again. I had to clear up a lot, but it’s much stronger now. I’ve been teaching myself the Double Fan Form since at least my birthday (a little before that, I think), which is a month-and-a-half ago. If I continue apace, then it’ll be four-and-a-half months total.Maybe it’ll get easier the longer I learn it; I can dream, right?
It’s completely possible, however, that it’ll get harder later on because that’s how the forms usually go. It makes sense, really. The first third or so of the form is the tutorial, to use game-speak. It’s to ease you into the form so you don’t feel overwhelmed. This is the case especially for the Solo Form. That’s the first form you learn in Taiji, and it’s the basis for all the other forms. It has three sections. The first is very basic and so gently eases you into it. Most people* can do Taiji in one way or another. My teacher was willing and eager to adapt the form to her students (concerning disabilities), which I really appreciated.
The second section, which has two sections itself, ramps it up. Still gently, though–at least in the first section of the second section. When you get to the second section of the second section, which is the kick section, that’s when the form takes off the training wheels. It says, “You’ve been doing this for a while now, and it’s about to get real.”
Many people find the kick section the hardest because kicking is, indeed, hard. For me, however, it’s my favorite section. Not because I’m contrary (though I am), but because I like the difficult stuff. I’ve talked about it with my teacher, and she thinks it’s because my brain gets bored with the simpler thhings. I don’t think that’s wrong, and it might be because of my suspected neurodivergencies.
In addition, I did ballet when I was a kid. Well, I did tap and jazz, too, but ballet is the pertinent kind of dance here. I did it for ten years and quit when we moved to dancing on point. I bought a pair, put them on, tried it for a minute or so and said, “Hell to the motherfucking no.” I didn’t swear at that point, so it was more, “Oh, no. This hurts a lot. I do not want to do this.” And I refused to do it. But that was still ten years of ballet, which helped me with my balance.
Anyway, let’s move to the third section. It’s broken three sections. Huh. I just thought of this. The first section is one section. The second section is two broken into two subsections, and the third is three subsections. I don’t think that was done purposefully, but I might be wrong about that.
The point of this rambling is that the Solo (Long) Form, at least the one in my lineage, is 150 postures. It’s the longest solo form in the Yang lineage. There are several repeat postures, so it’s not as intimidating as it sounds. But it’s still a lot for a beginner.
One of the reasons it’s so long, though, is that it’s the basis for every other form we do. For me, that’s the Sword Form, the Saber Form, the Double Saber Form, the Fan Form, and the work I’m doing with the staff/spear. Oh, and the Cane Form.
That’s the same in Bagua with the Swimming Dragon Form I just learned, too. It’s the basis for everything in Bagua, which is why my teacher insisted on teaching it to me first. I wanted to learn the Swimming Dragon Form with Deerhorn Knives, and she told me that I had to learn it hands only first.
That brings us back to the Double Fan Form (finally). I went into it thinking that it would be, not easy, exactly, but workable to teach it to myself at a reasonable pace. I have several weapon forms under my belt and while I didn’t think it was going to be easy, I did not imagine it was going to be so fucking hard.
When I first started teaching it to myself, I realized that it was not going to be easy. But, hey. I was up for a challenge because I know I tend to quit when things get hard for me. I’m used to being good at things from the get-go and not being able to handle it when I’m not instinctively good at something.
I did not want to be that way about this. I am an advanced student of Taiji. I should be able to do this! But, it was (and is) so fucking hard. I feel as if I am simply not getting something. I have to watch three videos (all at different speeds) to get the gist of each posture. I have to watch each movement several times, from several different angles, and I still can’t always translate what I see into what I’m actually supposed to do.
I do feel like I’m getting glimmers at times, but they never fully bloom. No fireworks yet, which is frustrating. Yes, I have banged my head all the way through nineteen postures, but I still don’t feel like I have a good grasp at it. I do like the form, but I’m not feeling comfortable with it yet.
In other words, it hasn’t clicked yet. More tomorrow.
*Barring disabilities, of course.