I skipped a post for today becuse my brother came to visit late last night during the time I would normally write the post for that day. In addition, it was daylight changing time last night, which meant we lost an hour during the night.
Side note: Can we please do away with changing the clocks twice a year? There is no good reason for it any longer, and it just throws everything out of whack. I don’t care which way they choose, but just do it. We have indoor lighting and no longer need to rely on the sun.
In addition to that, Saturday is the one day I actually have to get up at a certain time because I have class at noon. These days, that means getting up at 11:30 a.m. or so. I don’t do my individual practice on Saturdays now, but I don’t like that–even though I do have class.
Here is yesterday’s post about how once you know the rules, you can break/bend them. And how exhilarating it is to realize that the rules no longer apply to me. Or rather, that I can follow the principles of the martial art without following the ‘rules’. Basically, as long as it follows the principles, it doesn’t matter if it’s in the form or not.
The bottom line is that the forms are the way they are for health, mostly. Well, that’s how it used to be. Now that Sifu is incorporating Master Choi’s movements into the Solo (Long) Form, there are more applications/combat than before. When I first started, the Solo Form was way more health/flourish-focused. Master Liang loved the tassel form of all the weapons, and he loved putting everything to music. That meant that the counts were always even and sometimes he added movements just to make it look prettier or to fit the music. That’s not to say that he padded the form, but I was appreciative when Sifu cut out the fluff.
In addition, he made it vastly easier. There were some movements that were difficult for no good reason. When Sifu saw everyone fall on certain movements, he modified them or took them out.
I did not finish this post because Daylight Savings is really messing with me. So I’m doing it today instead.
In the last five years or so, Sifu has changed a great deal to the Solo (Long) Form. I think it’s in part beacuse of the pandemic (having more home time and being able to focus on refinement), and I was frustrated at the time. Why? Bceause when he changes the forms, he doesn’t necessarily articulate that he’s doing it. My teacher has seen him do something differently, asked him about it, and he’s told her that he’s changed the way they did that posture. And then he may change it back a few months later.
I get that it’s a living form and that it should not be considered sacrosanct. I actually like 95% of the changes Sifu has made. It’s just that he did it in such a rapid fashin, it was hard to keep up with. The first time he did a wholesale change, I was teaching myself the left side of the Solo Long Form. I was in the third section, and roughly two-thirds done. But he was changing the form so quickly and so much of it, I put that on hiatus until he had the form where he wanted it. My teacher tried to explaoin that it was a living form, etc. I understood that, but there was no point in teaching myself the left side when he was just going to change it several times in the next few months.
Now, however, I just shrug and accept that he’s going to do this. And that it’s ok if I don’t get every change right away. The old way of doing the postures isn’t wrong , per se–just not optimal.
I don’t know why it’s taken so long for me to realize that I’m pretty damn good at the weapons. I think it’s beacuse I had been raised to believe that I was worthless except for what I could do for others (specifically my fother). Recently, we were talking about death. I mentioned my medical crisis, and she said she was really glad I had lived. Want to know the reason she gave for being glad I was still alive? So I could talk to my father when he was having one of his episodes.
I know she didn’t mean that was the only reason, but the fact that she thought this was the most important reason to mention (she certainly didn’t mention any other) underscored that I was there for what I could do for her (and by extension, my father). She’s also said that she had to dump on me because she has no one else. She’s literally said that to me, by the way. No, she did not use the word ‘dumped’, but that’s how I feel about it.
My weapons are something I do just for me. My mother doesn’t like it and doesn’t understand it. I stil remember the look of disgust on her face (and perplexity that I would be interested in such a thing) when I showed her a bit of the Sword Form. When I told her I was studying Taiji, she said that I was allowing the devil to dance on my spine. While I admired the flowery phrase because where the hell did she hear that? No way she would have come up with it herself, I was once again put in my place for daring to think I colud do something not mom-approved.
It’s also something most people don’t understand. I ain’t mad at that because it is something very outside the norm. But it is a lonely feeling especially since when I look online for forums that I might want to participate in, they are male-dominated and focused nerding out. What do I mean by that? I mean that they talk about what weapon is the best for what they consider objective reasons, and they are obsessive about the dimensions of said weapons.
There are also people who talk about collecting forms in a way that makes it seem that they care more about being able to say they do several forms than actually doing them. I have a hard time finding forums in which people talk about the joys of doing the weapon forms, and as far as I can tell, there are very few non-male people participating in any of the forums.
I have much more to say, but I’m trying to get my sleep schedule back on track, so that’s it for tonight.