Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: health benefits

Let’s talk about Taiji and Bagua

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I’ve talked in the past about how much I love the weapon forms in Taiji (and now, Bagua). I am grateful for the health benefits, but they are not the focus for me.

Side note: We’re supposed to get between twelve and eighteen inches of snow over the weekend. I am so excited, even if we only get half that amount. Prince has a song about snow in April (I will include the video below), and he’s right. We’re not even quite mid-March, and it’s still rare to get that much snow at this time. I mean, it’s rare in general, so I’m very excited. I don’t think we’ll get even 12 inches because predictions are wildly inflated, but if we get half that, I will be satisfied.

I’ve gotten my groceries and I ordered Indian today, so I’m set for at least the weekend. I’m very fortunate that I have DoorDash and InstaCart, but I don’t want to make them drive in the snow. That’s why I used both today rather than wait for the weekend proper. I don’t want to get stuck, and I don’t want anyone else to get stuck, either.

Anyway, I made it clear to my teacher from the very start that while I was happy that there were health benefits, that wasn’t my focus. Oh, I was so young and naive then. I mean, it’s not bad that I preferred the weapons to the hands-only Taiji, but I brushed it off like it was no big thing.

I mean, I was grateful that it helped with my back problems, but that was it for the health benefits. I didn’t think much past that.

I did appreciate that it helped with my mental health and helped me to set healthier (not healthy, but healthier) boundaries. And, now, it helps me to shore up my faltering mental health when I have to deal with difficult situations. I am much more prepared to handle it than I was twenty years ago, though still at a heavy cost.

For me, it’s all about the weapons. I am making myself learn the left side of the Solo Long Form beacuse it’s way past the time when I should have done it. Right after learning the right side of the from my teacher–and it’s the first form you learn, by the way–I should have taught myself the left form.

That’s how it works in general. My teacher teaches me the right side of a form, and then I teach myself the left*. As I was teaching myself the left side of the Solo Long Form, my teacher’s teacher was in his experimental phase. That meant that the form was constantly changing. I was in the third part of the third section (the very last sub-section) when this started happening, and I just could not do it.


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Even more about martial arts and me

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I skipped a post for today becuse my brother came to visit late last night during the time I would normally write the post for that day. In addition, it was daylight changing time last night, which meant we lost an hour during the night.

Side note: Can we please do away with changing the clocks twice a year? There is no good reason for it any longer, and it just throws everything out of whack. I don’t care which way they choose, but just do it. We have indoor lighting and no longer need to rely on the sun.

In addition to that, Saturday is the one day I actually have to get up at a certain time because I have class at noon. These days, that means getting up at 11:30 a.m. or so. I don’t do my individual practice on Saturdays now, but I don’t like that–even though I do have class.

Here is yesterday’s post about how once you know the rules, you can break/bend them. And how exhilarating it is to realize that the rules no longer apply to me. Or rather, that I can follow the principles of the martial art without following the ‘rules’. Basically, as long as it follows the principles, it doesn’t matter if it’s in the form or not.

The bottom line is that the forms are the way they are for health, mostly. Well, that’s how it used to be. Now that Sifu is incorporating Master Choi’s movements into the Solo (Long) Form, there are more applications/combat than before. When I first started, the Solo Form was way more health/flourish-focused. Master Liang loved the tassel form of all the weapons, and he loved putting everything to music. That meant that the counts were always even and sometimes he added movements just to make it look prettier or to fit the music. That’s not to say that he padded the form, but I was appreciative when Sifu cut out the fluff.

In addition, he made it vastly easier. There were some movements that were difficult for no good reason. When Sifu saw everyone fall on certain movements, he modified them or took them out.

I did not finish this post because Daylight Savings is really messing with me. So I’m doing it today instead.

In the last five years or so, Sifu has changed a great deal to the Solo (Long) Form. I think  it’s in part beacuse of the pandemic (having more home time and being able to focus on refinement), and I was frustrated at the time. Why? Bceause when he changes the forms, he doesn’t necessarily articulate that he’s doing it. My teacher has seen him do something differently, asked him about it, and he’s told her that he’s changed the way they did that posture. And then he may change it back a few months later.


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Martial arts are my life

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I have been studying Taiji for over fifteen years. Yesterday, I was writing about how I did some light sparring with my teacher in our last private lesson. And how much I loved it. I am still in the midst of realizing that I am not a newbie any longer nor someone who simply studies Taiji. In class today, everyone was on Zoom because it’s been snowing (yay! Three or so inches. It’s not much, but it’s sure pretty). The other three students who were in class are all newbies to novices. It’s interesting to see them for once because it reminds me of when I was a newbie.

It’s hard to know what you don’t know, of course. And I still have major issues with my form such as having my hands too high andnot bending my knees. I’ve had my teacher give me refinements because it’s hard for me to see what I’m doing wrong, obviously. I’m not looking at myself as I practice and even if I were, I wouldn’t necessarily see what was wrong. When you do the same thing over and over and over and over again, you don’t necessarily notice the flaws.

It’s similar to how when you’re editing your own writing, you may not see your mistakes. That’s why it’s always better to have someone else editing your work for you.

I don’t know why it is that me re-learning the Fan Form is what has made me realize that I was not a dilettante any longer. I think because I was no longer just floating from form to form, dreaming about what I would do next. Instead, I made a concerted effort to clean up the forms  I knew. For whatever reason, that took it from me practicing Taiji to me being serious about Taiji.

Yes, it took me sixteen or so years to get there. What can I say? I’m a slow learner. Actually, the issue is the opposite of that–I’m too quick a learner, so I take it for granted that I can learn things easily. When  I can’t, my mind rebels.

It doesn’t help that my upbringing is within the Taiwanese culture, which is very strict on good and bad (what is which and what the standard should be for good). It’s either an A+ or an F. There is no in between. I have tried to move beyond that, but it’s hard. I still feel like I’m failing at life for many reasons, and it’s something that I don’t know if I will ever escape completely.

My mother sometimes laments the fact that I don’t tell her anything. Well, that’s when she’s not dumping her problems on me–which, admittedly she’s doing every time she calls. About two decades ago, she blamed my therapst for putting a wedge between her (my mother) and me. she’s not wrong that my therapst helped me individuate, but she’s wrong in blaming my therapist or thinking it was a bad thing*.


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