There’s a saying in writing that you have to know the rules before you can break them. I agree. And I am at the point where I knowingly break rules I think don’t make sense. Such as using a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence as I did in the last sentence. Or ending a sentence with a preposition. That is one I do a lot because I don’t see any reason not to do it. That’s pretty much my excuse for anything I do that breaks the rules in writing–it makes the flow better. I’m about communicating, not about the stiffness of rigid rules. I will not give up my semi-colon, however; that, I will not do.
There’s a similar thing in taiji. The first thing you learn is the Solo Form, which is the basis for everything else in taiji. I hated the Solo Form when I first learned it. That was over a decade ago. I got used to it, but I never liked it. With the long form (Master T.T. Liang’s form), there were just so many things I didn’t like about it. A few years ago, my teacher’s teacher modified it to be more in line with Master Choi’s teaching and suddenly, I liked it much better, especially the Fast Form. I was talking about it with my teacher during our last private lesson because I was saying how when we used to do the whole form, my lower back would start to hurt at the end of the first section. By the end of the third section, nearly twenty minutes later, my whole back would be cramped up and it would hurt. I didn’t understand how this was supposed to be good for me!
In addition, I had the habit of collapsing my back knee which gave me tendonitis around my knee. I had mentioned that to my teacher when it was the worst (about five years ago) and she gave me tips to deal with it. They helped, but it was a lot of effort to reverse the damage. Anyway, I was saying how I could do the whole current form without my lower back hurting and I couldn’t figure out why. My teacher mentioned the change in form and it clicked in my brain. I mean, of course it made sense that changing the form would ameliorate the pain, but I just didn’t think about it. My knees don’t hurt, either. The difference is that this form is focused on the martial arts applications whereas the old form was more for health benefits. It was more theoretical and difficult to get exactly what you were supposed to do.
In layperson’s terms, in the old form, when you did a bow stance, the weight distribution was 2/3 & 1/3. It’s not easy to get that right all the time and it’s easy to collapse the knee of the leg you’re standing on if you don’t have the right weight distribution. With the new form, all the weight is 100% on the standing leg (a vast majority of the time). This is for martial arts reasons and it has made a world of difference with my poor back.
Here’s the bigger point, though, and one reason I really like weapons–I get to break the rules. Deliberately and knowing the reason for the rules and the reason for breaking them. In the Solo Form, when you step, you do so with an empty step. Meaning, there is nothing in the foot you are placing as you place it down. Then, you sorta roll the foot down onto the floor until all your weight is in it. It’s important and I understand why there’s an emphasis on it. However, that’s for health benefits. When you get to the martial arts aspect, it’s assumed you know how to do this and the reason for doing it. And, you don’t have to fucking do it in weapons! In weapons, the most important thing is doing the absolute most with the least effort and doing it quickly (without shortchanging the movement).
It’s such a huge relief not to have to think about it and trusting my body to the right thing. Now, mind you, I had to have all those years in which I did think methodically about it. I focus on it when I’m doing the Solo Form and I’m fine with that. In fact, I really appreciate the Medium Form (Master Choi’s form) in that it’s much more intuitive. And it doesn’t hurt me!
But the weapons? That’s my time to shine. I know it’s going to sound strange, but I don’t care. Doing weapons is one way I practice self-care. I go into a zone when I practice and it’s my safe space for when I’m at my wits’ end. When I grab my sword or my staff, the edges of my brain smooth out until I am not thinking about them any longer. Nothing else works like this. Not meditation. Not yoga (HATED yoga). Not therapy (though that’s been extremely helpful, too). Nothing has centered me the way my weapons have.
The funniest part is that it’s crept up on me. It started with the sword and for the longest time, it stopped right there. Then, it was the sabre. Reluctantly. With much tears and pushback. Then, in the space of a year-plus, I’ve added two escrima sticks to practice double sabre drills, a karambit (knife), deer-horn knives, a cane, and a spear/staff. I’m currently eagerly awaiting my wooden sword and twin broadsword (sabre) set to come in the mail. I start every day with my taiji routine and much of it is weapons.
I. Love. My. Weapons. I’m considering my next tattoo (after the pandemic, of course), which would be an Asian woman doing a movement with a weapon. Probably the sword because it’s my first and forever love, and I want an array of weapons in a three-quarter circle around her. As I learn more weapons, I’d add them in another three-quarter circle around the figure. I want this on my left thigh, buttock, and hip. I was thinking about getting it on my back, but then I won’t be able to see it.
The only thing that gives me close to the same amount of comfort is, stay with me, Dark Souls III. I love the whole series, obviously, and DS III is arguably my favorite game of all time. I put it aside for a few months after platting it because the plat really took it out of me, but I returned to it little by little. I played last night and it was like wrapping a fluffy and warm blanket around me. One that was stabby and burny, but a blanket, nonetheless. And this time, I slipped right back into the Souls controls with only a few little hitches (hitting RB instead of A to interact with something). I did commit a rookie mistake in making a jump I knew I could survive, but I jumped a bit too far, missed my landing, and plummeted into the darkness.
Back to weapons. They’re fabulous. I want more until my whole life is just weapons. I kid, but not by much. If you want to talk about soulmates, this is it. Much more interesting than romance, really.