I have more to say about martial arts, specifically Taiji and Bagua. Before I do that, though, I want to say that technology can be so frustrating. I mentioned yesterday that the videos I was watching of the Fan Form suddenly stopped working. They were mp4s and were a bit spotty on Chrome, but I could watch them in the end.
Yesterday, Microsoft informed me that ‘something went wrong’ and to try again later. I checked in later, and it was still the same. I was flummoxed because I had literally watched the videos the day before. I Googled it, of course, and I tried the first couple hacks. I cleared the browser. I turned off my Ad Block (that wasn’t suggested, but I figured it probably had something to do wiht that–also why my Chrome was freezing and chugging, I suspected). I turned my computer off and on again. None of this worked.
I was getting frustrated. Technology is great–until it doesn’t work. Then it’s frustrating as fuck. To my surprise, I’m considered a heavy user. I don’t think I know that much about computers, but I’m pretty damn good at Googling things. I do reach my limit, though, and when I do, I get incredibly frustrated.
One of the suggestions was to try it on a different browser. I tried the videos on Edge, and they worked perfectly fine. I just talked to my brother about the problem (because he’s my techie), and he said he’d been having problems with YouTube on Chrome, too. I had been having that as well and had, indeed, called him about it. His suggestions was to reset Chrome (which he suggested for this, too). It worked somewhat before, but not this time. We both concluded that the issue was Chrome.
I thought it might be my AdBlocker, but who knows? As long as I can watch it on Edge (Edge!!), I’m good. It runs better on Edge, too. Chrome used to be good before it got so damn bloated. Maybe I’ll try out Edge for a bit and see if it’s better. It pains me to say that, but I’m very much a ‘use what works’ kind of person rather than brand loyal.
The funny thing is that Chrome is running fine on my desktop. It’s just my laptop that is having issues, and I don’t know why. Different Windows? Maybe. If it is AdBlock, maybe that’s a different version as well? No idea. Like I said, after I try three or four things, I’m stumped. I’m just glad it worked on a different browser.
I have included a winning Taiji Fan Form below. This one is performative, yes, but not as flashy or energetic as some of the other videos I’ve posted (this is a compliment, by the way, not a negative). It’s funny because even though she won, she made one obvious mistake that I could catch. As I’ve said before, that’1s not a diss, but just an observation that I’ve gotten much better at my weapon forms.
This is such a lovely form. I can watch different weapon forms all day. Once I was able to get the videos working again, I went to the part that was really troubling me. At the very ending of the form, there was a fan toss that had me all mixed up. You see, I had to toss it from my left hand to my right hand. Fine. No problem. Except when it was in my left hand, the outside of the fan faced to the right. That’s how the teacher in the video had it. Then, when she tossed it to her right hand the outside of the fan was on the opposite side. If it had been on the same side, when she held the fan out, palm down, the outside off it would be on top. Except, I kept getting the outside of the fan on the underside. I did it several times, and I could not figure out what I was doing wrong.
Until I looked closely at the toss. Several times in a row. And then looked at her hands as she was doing the toss. It still took me a few times to realize that she had her right hand reversed as she caught the fan. Once I saw that, it all made sense.
This is one of the lessons of Taiji. Look at everything. Don’t make assumptions. Take everything as is and work from there. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself and don’t rely on previous knowledge. I mean, you know what you know, but don’t assume that what you know is what will continue to be.
I’m probably sounding pretentious as fuck. I hope I don’t, but I can nerd out on this shit all day long. Not so much the minutiae of the forms because that does not interest me. Yes, they are weapons for combat, but it’s the beauty of the forms that take my breath away. I go by feeling and emotions. Which works for Taiji. My teacher tells me repeatedly that the forms are not meant to be rigid. They are living, breathing beings, and, yes, sometimes it’s just about the vibes.
Once I realized that the teacher was reversing her right hand to catch the fan, everything clicked. The posture that had been given me so much trouble, suddenly made sense. Yes, I can extrapolate that to other postures and, indeed, life. I tend to get stuck in my way of looking at things. I hold a grudge like nobody’s business, and I endlessly rehash negative interactions. Mostly to castigate myself, but sometimes to endlessly punish the other person in my mind.
This is not a good thing. I am not proud of it, and it’s ugly. But it is how I am, and I can’t deny it. Taiji has helped me so much with this, but I’m still not there. Another thing my teacher reminds me is that we are all human beings. Even the masters are just people at heart. They are going to fuck up because of that. She finds that a relief because it means she doesn’t have to be perfect. I feel the same.
Taiji is my sanctuary. It’s a place where I can just be and feel free of judgement. Not completely, but more so than I feel in any other place. I will get more into that tomorrow.