I hate ASMR. I just want to get that out of the way. I am not neutral to it. I do not merely dislike it or have no use for it. I HATE it.
With that barn burner of an intro, let’s delve into this newfangled* phenomenon that has swept the country if not the world. ASMR. I hope you can read the loud sigh that accompanies the acronym because it’s there every time I see the word, type it, or say it.
You’ve heard about it, I’m sure, because it’s all over the place. It’s suggested as a sleep aid, which is something I’m always interested i n.
Before I dive into that, however, let’s talk about misophonia. The dictionary definition of it is, I believe, being annoyed as fuck by certain sounds. In my current research of ASMR, there are some theories being floated around that people who suffer from misophonia either love or hate ASMR as well. Now, it makes sense that if certain sounds annoy you the fuck, then others may delight you. I liked that one of the dudes defending it (probably a doctor, I was too amused to even really clock it) basically said that there was no true Scotsman of people who reacted negatively to it.
What do I mean? Hold that thought and we’ll get back to it in a minute.
After reading all these people raving about ASMR, I decided to check it out for myself. I pulled up a video and pressed play. The second it started, my shoulders went up around my ears, and I was immediately filled with rage. Not irritation. Not annoyance. RAGE. Like, wanting to punch someone rage. I stopped the video and thought maybe it was just me or that particular video. I tried another, and I had the same reaction.
Are we surprised that something so popular is so loathed by me? No. But, Idiot that I am, I allowed myself to hope that maybe this was something that would bring me relief. Did I have my doubts? Yes. Was I skeptical? Yes. Did I hope it would work? Also yes.
I watched four or five videos, and I hated every single one of them. First of all, whispers where I can’t actually hear the words irritate me in general. Second, I got the prickles, but it was more like the ‘Alert! Alert! Alert!’ prickles than anything pleasant.
Which leads me to another point. One article mentioned the possibility that people with PTSD reacted negatively to ASMR. There didn’t seem to be much evidence, but it’s the same as meditation–it’s posited that some people with PTSD react negatively to meditation. That was such a relief to me, and this might be something similar.
Now. I mentioned that I don’t have misophonia, but I do have sensory stimulation. I have been hating the last week because it’s been in the high 80s to low/mid 90s, and I wanted to rip the clothing from my body. I went topless much of the time, but there’s only so much clothing you can remove. I hate clothes so much. So. Much. I hate everything about clothing, and I wish I never had to wear them. I hate many public places because the noises are so loud. Whoever decided that eating establishments had to have music or TV blaring all the time should be throat-punched. Movie trailers? Yeah, I can’t handle them. I keep earplugs in my purse all the time for this express purpose.
It’s worse when I have a migraine. I’m lucky because my migraines aren’t bad, but when they’re at their worst, lights and sounds physically hurt me. In fact, that’s one way I can tell when I’m getting a migraine. Any light physically hurts my eyes, and…I’ve tried to explain this before with little success, but the best I can say is that it feels as if all color is slowly being leached from my surroundings. Each ray of light jabs an ice pick in my brain.
Back to ASMR. I knew I was overreacting to the videos. But, I also had no reason to force myself to like them. It’s like beer. I hated it from the first time I tried it, and it never got better. Ever. The only beer I’ve ever enjoyed at all was a raspberry chocolate beer. And, as you may have surmised, I decided I didn’t need to have the beer part of it in order to enjoy it. I had so many people tell me that it took a while to learn to like it, and I couldn’t understand why I should force myself to ingest something I hated in the hopes that one day, I *might* like it. And, don’t misunderstand me, I hate beer.
I’m also allergic to alcohol, however, so that is understandable, I think. Same with cilantro. It’s a good thing for your body to hate something you’re allergic to. Too bad I can’t say the same for dairy. I don’t hate anything dairy-related except whole milk, but that’s a texture thing. It’s also because I’m not allergic to dairy–just intolerant.
It’s just another thing to add to the list of things that set me apart from the norm. Hating ASMR, I mean. Maybe it’s not true, but those who love it are very vocal about it.
I’ve tried it enough to know that I hate it, and I don’t have any interest in learning to like it. Another interesting theory is that people like it because it reminds them of feeling safe in childhood. So, for people who didn’t have a great childhood, it doesn’t work for them–or may be repellent. If the first part is true, then the latter would make sense as well.
At this point, I’ve pretty much given up on…well, everything. It’s hard to be a weirdo freak and to see things differently. Once or twice? Yeah, fine. No biggie. Almost every time, however? Yeah, that gets wearying very quickly. At least now I realize it and can acknowledge that this is the case rather than be bewildered by it and saying stupid things in the assumption that other people felt the same way I did. It still pecks away at my soul, however, and by now, I feel as if I have very little of it left.
*It’s been around for roughly a decade, but really exploded in the past few years.