Am I continuing my weather reporting? I sure as hell am. Here is my post from yesterday in which I just meandered over the whole place. Why? Because I can, but also because it’s been so fascinating to me. We got down to 44F last night, which is cold for this time of the year–but not cold enough for me. And right now? It’s 66F–which seems about right for *checks calendar* Mid-May.
I would love one more frost warning before the season is over. I don’t think it’s going to happen. I am calling it again; winter is finally over. On May 11th. With five to six months to go to the next winter. As I’ve said, I’m loving it because I like the cold. I get so grumpy when the heat starts rising and the bugs start coming out to play. I feel like I’m at best half-alive in the summer. The spring is not my favorite, either. Fall makes me happy because it’s so pretty and because it tells me that winter is coming, but it pales in comparison to winter.
Winter is and will forever be queen. Even though I’m getting a bit more sensitive to cold because of perimenopause (which is now, I think, just plain menopause), I still much prefer it to being hot.
Side note: It’s so weird. Perimenopause/menopause, I mean. I’ve always been lucky that I only got my period two to four times a year for three days at a time. One light day, one heavy day (which is probably light/medium for other people), and the third day being light or almost nonexistent). I rarely got cramps, and if I did, they didn’t last very long. My biggest issue with getting my period was that I could never predict when it would come. That meant I had to carry products with me most of the time. Not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, of course, but just slightly irritating.
I did worry about the fact that I got my period so few times a year, but my doctor told me as long as it was twice a year, it was fine. Which was (barely) what I got. Once my doctor clarified that it was fine, I stopped worrying about it and was just glad that it had such a minimal impact on my life.
I will say that the only time that wasn’t true (my period schedule) was when I was having sex on the regular. Then, my period came every thirty-five to forty days, and it was pretty obvious why. From a biological perspective, of course my body wanted to be ready to procreate whenever I had sex. Therefore, my previous ‘schedule’ of getting my period once every three to six months would simply not do. was I pleased about it? Yes and no. I did not want to have my period more often (as I absolutely did not want to get pregnant), but I did appreciate knowing approximately when it was going to occur.
In the end, I am really glad that I got off so lightly when it came to my period. It started when I was fairly young, so I’m happy that it was light and not very often. I was wearing white pants the first time I got it, though. I remember that well. White pants with red and blue trim. No idea why those little details stick with me, but they do.
I have friends who had/have terrible periods. I mean lying in bed for days terrible. It didn’t help that many people (mostly men) thought they were exaggerating or lying about the pain. To those men, I would like to politely offer to kick them in the balls and see if they experience pain or just imagine it. My bet would be they would claim it was the former (which makes sense. It’s a very sensitive area of the body) and would be incensed if anyone suggested it was the latter.
Sometimes, I have a hard time believing we are in the year 2026. I feel like we’re moving backwards in time, and I’m saddened by it.I did not get the retro beliefs twenty years ago, and I certainly don’t get them now. I’m not even talking about the really terrible beliefs about gender, race, etc. I’m talking about the seemingly small, but entrenched beliefs around these issues that just refuse to go away.
Like shaving pits and legs. Ahem. I was unpleasantly reminded recently that this was still a thing. Women and AFAB people not doing it, I mean. It’s apparently considered ‘gross’ by many (the majority of?) people in America. Or so I would be made to believe. Whether that’s true or not, the fact that it’s an issue at all thirty years after I became aware it was an issue at all irritates the fuck out of me.
Who. The. Fuck. Cares? Seriously. I know that as an Asian person, it’s easy for me to say because I have very little hair, but I have enough that it’s noticeable. I’m not smooth, and I don’t understand why I need to be. This is one reason I reject the ‘woman’ label. So many things that have absolutely no bearing on me as a person or what I’m capable of doing/being. Whether I shave or not does not affect my ability to do my weapon forms, for instance.
Things like this and whether I wear a bra or not feel so extraneous to me. Whether I wear a skirt or pants, who cares? Apparently, a lot of people. If I speak in a deep voice or a high one, does it change who I am as a person? These are a few of the thoughts that made me decide that gender, for me, is bullshit. It’s not something I give a shit about (for myself), and that’s one reason I chose agender as my gender identity.
I reject gender norms and the rigidity that codifies these outdated beliefs. They are nothing to me, and I have no desire to follow them. At all. I did not intend to reject every gender norm that I encounterced, but that’s apparently the life I’ve chosen to lead. Or rather, the life that has been instilled within me.
I don’tn think I can convince many people of this, but I never intended to be an anarchist or a contrarian around these issues. It’s just that with all my heart, body, and soul, I am repulsed by gender norms/gender roles/gender rigidity. Everything within me vehemently rejects all of it as bullshit. I would probably word it a bit gently if someone questioned me about it, but that’s how I feel in my soul.
It’s. All. Bullshit.
Look. I’m not about to tell anyone what to do with their own gender idenitty. As long as it’s what they truly believe and they are freely* doing it, it’s none of my business. When it comes to me, though, I want nothing to do with it. That’s all for now; more tomorrow.
*It’s not possible to be truly free, but i mean without overt coercion or overwhelming societal pressure. Which, come to think of, the latter isn’t possible, either, but that’s not the point of this post.