I like bladed weapons. A lot. I don’t think this is a surprise to anyone who knows me. Maybe the depth of my love, but not the fact that I’m an aficionado. I am fairly open about it, and I am always up for talking about it (though not the quantitative stuff such as the intricacies of different blades. I’m all about the feelings, bay-beeeeeee!). I’ve noted that women on twitter are uncomfortable with my declaration of passion for bladed weapons (it’s not ‘nice’ and is ‘so aggressive’, not to mention it’s hard for them to reconcile what they perceive as a gentle martial arts with weapons. I like to remind people that it’s still a martial art. I mean, it’s right there in the name!) and a weird corollary is that dudes think it’s hot. I mean, I get it in a way because I think it’s hot, but it’s not the first thing I think of when I think of weapons. And, it’s a bit creepy for dudes to be all, “See this hot sword scene that I immediately thought of when you mentioned weapons?”, especially on social media.
Side note: Dudes. My dudes. If there is one thing I can impart on you as a female-presenting person it’s this. If you don’t know a woman (anyone, really, but especially women and female-presenting persons) well on social media (and I define well as not ‘talking’ to them every few days at the bare minimum or having an offline relationship (that includes DMs/PMs), do NOT make sexual innuendos to them as your first foray. I might laugh politely, but it won’t make a good impression. And I’m someone who can be very ribald.
I’ve written before on how I had a similar mindset with the women above in that before I took taiji, I considered myself a pacifist and that violence was always wrong. The reason for it, however, was not a healthy one. I thought my life was worthless, so there was no point in defending it. When I used to walk the circle doing ba gua instead of meditation, I used to imagine an opponent in the middle of the circle. One time, I had a flash of visualizing me killing the opponent. It unsettled me, and I talked to my teacher afterwards. She said it wasn’t a bad thing because it meant that I was willing to defend myself. She was right, and it completely changed my viewpoint.
Back to weapons. I dragged my feet on them for so long. When I first started taiji, it was for self-defense and the martial art applications. I didn’t care about the health benefits or the mental health benefits–I was all about the martial arts. Weapons, though? That was over the line. No way I was ever gonna do that. Nuh-uh, no way. I dragged my feet until my teacher placed a wooden sword in my hand and exhorted me to just try. The second my fingers closed around the hilt, I was hooked.
I cannot overstate the affinity I immediately felt for the sword. When I held it in my hand, it felt as if it were a part of me. An extension of said hand, if you will. I wanted to know everything about it, and I did not want to let go. I’m sure my teacher was laughing inside when I did a 180, but to her credit, she was nothing but positive about my about-face. I wanted to learn it as quickly as possible, and she was agreeable to that. I bought a steel weapon at her studio’s demo, and I never looked back.
I was totally intoxicated with the Sword Form. It was everything I never knew I needed in my life, and once I knew about it, I was obsessed with it. I learned it as quickly as possible, and I taught myself the left side as well. Which I need to brush up on. Next up was the Sabre Form, and I went in with the thought that it’d be the same as the Sword Form, but hit everything harder.
Boy, was I wrong. It was not like the Sword Form at all. AT ALL. I hated it from the start, and the sabre felt so wrong in my hand. It was unwieldy, clumsy, and I felt no connection with it at all. I didn’t want to do it, and I had to force myself to practice it at all. There are six rows, and I was near the end of the fourth row when I had a minor car accident. I stopped the private Sabre Form lessons for a month or so because of that, and then…we just never got back to it. I was fine with that because I still didn’t like the Sabre Form–it couldn’t hold a candle to the sword–and I learned much later from my teacher that she didn’t feel comfortable herself with the end of the Sabre Form at that point so she was more than happy to postpone it.
This was three or four years ago. About a year ago, we started talking about the Sabre Form again. I don’t know how it came up, but we agreed to private lessons again, every other week. Since I hadn’t practiced since I stopped the previous attempt to learn the Sabre Form, we decided to start from the beginning again. Hm. I want to say it hasn’t been a year. More like six months? Right before the pandemic? Probably more like nine months. Time has no meaning in the pandemic zone. I will say it’s harder to do on Zoom, but that’s not the point.
I went in wary because I remembered how it went down the last time. To my surprise, I liked it from the start this time. It wasn’t the same kind of bond that I had with the sword, but it actually made sense to me and didn’t make me feel clumsy and ungainly. And because I already knew the first four rows (except the last movement, which was a cracker), it went really quickly and smoothly. When we got to the fourth row, I felt some sort of way about it. That had been my sticking point for so long, and we were rapidly approaching it. The final movement of the fourth row looked insane and really difficult. Then, when my teacher took it apart, it suddenly didn’t look so hard. In fact, it’s not the one that’s given me the most trouble, which astonishes me.
Now, I’m two or three movements from the end of the form and I’m REALLY feeling some sort of way about it. It’s been a journey, and the second lap has been so much better than the first one. I have to say, I wasn’t ready for the Sabre Form the first time around. I didn’t have the basics down, and I was still too wedded to the idea that all weapons were the same. In general, I don’t like doing shit I’m not automatically good at. There are several reasons for it, but the bottom line is that my impulse is to give up immediately rather than put my back into it. One exception to that is Dark Souls, and the Sabre Form is another.
With the Sword Form, it was instant lust/love. I fell for it, and I fell hard. Let’s put it in terms of romantic relationships. The sword is my soulmate (which I don’t believe in when it comes to romantic relationships). We had an instant connection, and it’s endured lo these many years. At this point, we’re an old married couple. We’re comfortable with each other, and we know each other’s positives and negatives. I may not be excited by the sword on a daily basis (though…I’ll get to that in a minute), but it makes me happy every time I practice it.
I have more to say on this topic, but I’m ending this post now. Will continue in the next.