Before I start the actual post, I want to complain a bit about Word Press. The post I wrote yesterday did not get published on time, and I don’t know why. This has happened more than once, and I think it has something to do with lag. It’s Chrome. I don’t know why it’s all fucked up, but it might be time to change browsers again. I remember when it was fast and sexy. Now it’s sluggish and annoying.
Anyway. I was talking about habits, schedules, rigidity and Taiji in yesterday’s post. And neurodiversity. Taiji is really good for me because it challenges the part of my brain that gets stuck in routines.
It’s tricky because habits are good, especiallywhen you’re starting a new skill. But there’s a thin line between a healthy routine and stagnation. I can tell when I’m practicing when I’ve crossed that line. It’s a feeling in my body, and it’s hard to explain.
Taiji is alive, and ideally, you should practice while being rooted in the present. Your brain should not be thinking of what you need to do next or that fight you had with your partner last night or anything like that.
Most people have difficulty with that, including me. I have anxiety, so my brain is always scrambling all over the place. Taiji has helped with that, I must say.
My teacher has said that everyone’s minds are gaing to wander. There’s no point in castigating yourself for it. Simply note it and bring your mind back to the present.
In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that I am evenly split between needing a schedule and doing something impulsively. I like routines, but then if someone suggests doing something on the supr of the moment, I’ll be happy to do it (if it’s something that interests me).
It’s one reason I really like being friends with K. She is much more imuplsive than I am, so I have ended up doing things with her that I wouldn’t have done otherwise. For example, her brother was in a band who were performing in two days in Kansas City. Missouri, I think, not Kansas. So she, andother mutual friend, and I drove down there. Or rather, she drove and the mutual friend and I rode in the car. K loves driving, which works for me because I hate it.
We stopped at a seafood restaraunt and then got to the hotel with about an hour to spare before the concert. I flirted my ass off with the bassist and got his orange-lensed sunglasses by the end of the night. If we weren’t leaving the next morning, I would have spent the night with him, but I needed to be somewhat responsible with my time. Also, the fact that K and our mutual friend was there. It’s not nice to ditch your friends for a booty call.
We slept for four hours before driving back. It was so much fun, and it’s something that I would never have thought of doing myself. I, on the other hand, am the steadying force in my friend’s life. THey know they can count on me to be there if they need me whenever.
It’s interesting. I have been focusing on the Taiji Fan Form and the Taiji Cane Form. Plus the Bagua Dragon Form, but I’m not talking about that right now.
When I talk about the forms with my teacher, she is pretty forgiving about the mistakes I make. I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell her about them as it’s not like a confessional. It’s more because I love talking about the forms, and I know she is someone who will understand if iwant to natter on about it at length.
I know better than to talk about it with other people too much. Not only is it bad manners to talk obsessively about something to someone who has no interest in it, but it’s also the fact thta it’s so out there.
This is the most important thing to me that is not a living being. I love the weapons so much, and I am thrilled that my teacher trusts me to teach myself different weapon forms. I have felt like such a noob for so long. I think I can safely say that I’m at least a novice if not an intermediary student.
I know that I am harder on myself than other people are, but when I see my teacher’s classmates, I feel like I’m so behind. There are two who are very into the weapons, and they are so much better than I am. I try not to be jealous, but it’s hard. I know it’s my own fault/lack of discipline that I am not as far as I would like to be, but it’s still hard not to be envious.
I feel like I’m getting serious about it. I have to be careful not to overdo it because I can get obsessed about things. That’s the rigidity in my brain. All I can do is think about it even when I’m not doing it. I have the Fan Form down pretty well, and the Cane Form, well, I’m working on it.
My teacher is also showing me the tweaks to the Sword Form. I want to work on the Karambit Form, but I think I’ll wait until I’m done with the Swimming Dragon Form. I don’t want to overload my brain, and I’m on the edge of doing that.
I found my teacher’s teacher’s Bagua DeerHorn Knives Form, which I also want to learn. It doesn’t say it’s the Swimming Dragon Form, but I think it’s that one. My teacher told me that there really isn’t a Swimming Dragon Form with the DeerHorn Knives, not an official one, because it’s just adapting the hands version to the knives.
I cannot wait. I love my DeerHorn Knives. They feel so right in my hands, and I am hoping to learn the Swimming Dragon Form with them this year. I have changed my goals to more realistic ones, but I still hope to tweak/refine/learn several weapon forms this year.