In the last two posts, I have writtena about what I am loooking for in a partner. That is all fine and dandy, but there’s a more important list I need to share–who I am. This is me; I’m not going to change. I may fiddle at the edges and smooth out some of the rough spots, but I am not going to make any major shifts. I’m not going to suddenly be outgoing, love movies, and want to spend my time doing things. I’m not going to be a bubbly Pollyanna who only sees the good side of things. On the other hand, I’m no longer the bitter cynic who only sees the negative. Still cynical, yes. Still see issues in things, yes. But I’m very grateful to be alive, and I know I’m damn lucky.
So. In no particular order. Things you need to know about me (and accept) if you want to get with me.
1. I like Taiji (tai chi) weapons. A lot. They are my passion, and they are something I’m going to want to talk about. Not a ton and not every day, but they are going to come up. I practice every morning, and I’m always up for learning a new weapon. Currently, I’m on a break from learning a new weapon because I’m focusing on Bagua, which is another martial art. But I still practice all my weapons every day.
I like to relate my weapons to dating relationships. The sword is my first love. It was love at first sight, and it’s been an enduring love for a decade. It’s not the hottest relationship, but it sustains me. It’s what I draw upon when I need strength. It’s the comfy house silppers that you love to wear on the regular.
The saber, on the other hand, is like that person you hate when you first meet them. There is no rational reason for it, but you can’t stand the look of them. That was how I felt with the saber, but I had a reason for it. I was expecting it to be like the sword, and it was not. At all. I struggled with it and felt it was going against me. It took me a few years before I finally got the saber and made my peace with it. It’s still not my favorite, but I can deal with it.
There are others, but what is my favorite? What is the new hottness that gets my juices going? The double sabers. You might be surprised to discover that I LOVE the double sabers when I had such a difficulty with the single one. It’s because first of all, I got used to the single saber. The double saber is a set of two, obviously, that fits together as one (each hilt is halved).
I saw my teacher’s classmate demonstrate it at the demo in 2020. Right before the world closed down. I bought a pair immediately and demanded that my teacher show it to me because I was captivated. I wanted to be the human blender/Cuisanart, and this was the way to do it. My teacher taught me the first bit, but then–pandemic. I ended up teaching myself by watching my teacher’s teacher’s videos on it.
2. I died. Twice. This has given me a very different perspective on life that is hard to explain to other people. I am increddibly lucky to be alive, and I’m not going to waste my time with someone who does not light me on fire.
In general, that’s how I feel about dating. I like spending my time alone and with my cat, Shadow. We make a great duo. Anyone I date has to be someone who adds to my excitement, not detract from it. In other words, I have to like spending time with you better than I do with myself. Or at least as much. It’s difficult to get me off my ass and out the door, so someone I date has to be able to motivate me to do both those things.
3. I am not like other people. This might seem trite because no one is like other people. But I mean that I am not normal in any sense of the word. I am Asian, fat, agender, areligious, not married, no children, and uninterested in movies and TV. That cuts out roughly 90% of everything, really. I don’t like Star Wars. At all. I find it tedious and annoying. Same with all the Marvel movies. I liked Guardians of the Galaxy, but that’s it.
I can pretend to be normal and even fool people for brief amounts of times, but I’m a freak. I’m fine with that. In fact, I’m more than fine. I don’t want to go to the movies on a date or Netflix and chill (I’ll take the chill part, though). My brother laughed when I said that I did not like movies. He said of course I didn’t because I could see right through them. He’s not wrong. Movies have to take shortcuts in order to portray feelings and emotions because they had only 2 hours or so to portray their stories. They didn’t have the luxury of several hundred pages upon which to unfold.
I have made the peace with myself that I am markedly different that the norm. I would like to meet other people who are similar to me, but I recognize that the chances of that happening are slim. I once made the comment to a substitute teacher in my grad school program that I did not like movies. She stared at me in disbelief and said that was the same as someone saying they didn’t like sandwiches. Which, I mean, yes? If you don’t like bread, for example, you’re not going to like sandwiches.
4. I am a contrarian. It’s not something I do on purpose, but it is who I am. I will inevitably see the angle that one ene else sees. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll agree with that minority point of view, but odds are that I will. I am also a libertarian with a small “l”. I don’t care what people do as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t harm others.
I’m running late so I’ll add more to this tomorrow.