It still boggles my mind that I am actually creating a weapon form. It’s not canon, and it’s not anything I would show to anyone right now, but I’m having a good time with it.
Oh, side note. I talked to my brother about the Xfinity issue, and it may be on my side. So I’m going to test it out and see if it is my bad. It’s not completely on me (I know this as a fact), but if there’s anything I can do to mitigate it, well, that’s a plus, I guess.
I’m so worn-out right now. My sleep has been completely off the rails, and my anxiety is keeping me up at nights. I can’t deal with the world around me, and I want to do better in my personal life as well. I don’t feel like it’s worth it, though. Or rather, I don’t feel like the world is worth it. And that’s how I know I need to find a therapist.
Back to weapons. In yesterday’s post, I was rambling all over the place. One thing I wanted to talk about and kind of did, is that one thing people don’t tell yopu about exercise is taht you want to find something you enjoy doing. I mentioned that I walked four miles a day for a year while I was in the East Bay, and I hated every step. It never got better. I never actually liked it. I just did it because I had no other way of doing exercise. Once I got back to Minnesota, I gave it up in a hot second.
After my medical crisis, while my parents were here, I started going for a walk with them every day. I didn’t want to, but it was easier to go than to argue about it with my mother. And I still hated it. In part because my father walks reaaaaaaaallly slowly. Even after my medical crisis, I walked at a brisk pace (once i got my energy back). I figured out that the way to do it was to walk fast on the way out, wait for them to catch up, and then stroll with them on the way back. It still wasn’t great, but that made it manageable.
It will never be my first choice for exercise. Walking, I mean. People extol how great it is, but I hate it. Let me amend that. I hate doing it for exercise. I don’t mind doing it just to get from Point A to Point B. Why is that? I’m not sure. I think it’s because when I’m doing it to get where I need to be, I just accept it’s something I have to do. When I try to do it as exercise, I resent the hell out of it. Let’s not talk about running, which I loathe with the intensity of a thousand suns.