In my attempt to write about how I’ve struggled to be normal all my life, I got massively derailed into delving into my family dysfunction. It’s related, but not what I really wanted to talk about. I ended the last post by noting that old people sometimes cite their age as an excuse for retro behaviors/beliefs. I mentioned how I hate that because they neatly skip over the fact that they’ve been alive in the decades since that birth and have had every opportunity to update their beliefs.
That’s not what I want to talk about, though. One reason I realized that I might be neurodivergent is…well, let me take you through the steps.
I am extremely adept at reading social situations. As I have mentioned before, this is because I had been groomed by my mother to be her emotional support person. She expected me to listen to her complain for hours at a time about my father and to soothe shattered emotions.
I was talking to A about how I was way-too-empathetic, but it wasn’t natural. I explained how my brain worked when someone told me something highly emotional (or just any big event). Let’s say it was getting a new job. This is how it would go.
Friend: Hey, Minna. I have news.
Me (thinking): News. What does that mean? How do they sound? Happy or sad.
Friend: I got a new job.
Me (thinking): New job, new job, new job. Is this a good thing? A bad thing? Have they mentioned this before?
(My brain frantically trying to remember if friend has mentioned anything about their job in the last few months while not showing any outer turmoil.)
Friend: It was rather sudden. It only happened in the last three days.
Me (stil thinking): Am I supposed to know about this? It happened suddenly. Does that mean good or bad?
Me (out loud): That is quite sudden! (Hoping they will reveal more.)
Friend: It comes with a 20% pay increase and double the PTO. And full insurance! I’m so thrilled.
Me (in relief, scrambling to come up with an appropriately enthusiastic tone): Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you. What thrilling news!