I’ve been talking at length about what a safe(r) space is and what it isn’t. The reason I put (r) at the end of safe is because no space can truly be safe, and I’m not sure that should be the ultimate goal, anyway.
We all live in the real world. No one can be protected by everything that happens unless they are completely wrapped in bubbles. Which, honestly, sounds like a nightmare. Being wrapped in bubbles, I mean. *shudders because of sensory issues* But I do think we can try to be empathetic and understanding of other people. This is where my rant is probably going to start, so be forewarned.
Oh, and in yesterday’s post, I talked about how hard it is to make a space safe(r) for many reasons. The one I want to expand on is how most people are invested in a version of themselves that may or may not be accurate, especially when it comes to prejudices. The more we are invested in seeing ourserves in a certain way, the harder it is to accept even the gentlest of criticsm.
Here’s the thing, though. As hard as it is to hear that, say, something you said was sexist–it’s even harder to be on the receiving end of sexist behavior/comments.But in our society, it has become (in the last decade or so) worse to call someone a racist than to be actually racist (substitute in any ist for racist). Because people hear any carefully crafted criticism of something they said or did as if the critique is saying they are utter shit and should self-flagellate for a hundred days.
I really wish we colud teach people that learning something they said/did was some kind of ist was taken more calmly. But, again, most people react as if you’re calling them shit on the bottom of your shoes.
The reason this is important when talking about safer spaces is because if you’re going to set limits and have rules, it’s good to name what’s going on. If it’s a comic con, for example, there is going to be sexism abound. And probably racism as well. It does no good to shy away from it or pretend it doesn’t exist. In fact, that attitude is why for so long, many women, genderqueer, PoC, etc., people who were minorities did not attend such cons. Not only were they not safe spaces (or even safer spaces), they were actively hostile to minorities.
It took a conscious effort on the part of con organizers to come up with actionable policies that made it much better for minorities to attend these cons. It wasn’t something that happened overnight, of course. It took many iterations to come up with something decent, but they kept at it.
I have never had to hammer out a policy like this, but I would start at the top with the broadest rules. The obvious ones. No racist/homophobic/sexist/ableist, etc. shit. I know that seems like an obvious one, but people are people, and obvious to most people will miss the ones that really need to hear it. Also, take that fig leaf of plausible deniability away. Clearly spell everything out so people can’t wave their hands and say, “But I didn’t knooooooooow I couldn’t call a woman whom I was pestering a fucking c*** when she told me to leave her alone!”