I’m back for a second day of ranking my weapon forms. I spoiled it by saying what my favorite is. I just took twenty minutes to look up Double Sword Forms. They are thin on the ground on YouTube. The ones I can find are mostly Chen style, which is not my style (Yang style). And a few that I found were…not good. I did find a review of a premium set–from the website I used to get my double saber set. The review was positive for the premium double sword set, which got my juices flowing.
This is the problem. I am obsessed with my weapons. I love them to pieces. I think of them as my children (no, not really, but it’s a good comparison–if limited). In the last six months or so, I have gotten really serious about the weapons. I’ve always loved them, but now, I’m elevating my game.
I can’t tell you how glorious it is to feel like I’m not a newb or novice any longer. Both emotionally and intellectually. I have liked the weapons from the moment I started them, but I have also felt like I’m a dilettante because I did not dedicate a solid amount of time to it. My teacher’s life is Taiji (and other martial arts, but the basis is Taiji). Same with some of her classmates and her teacher. It’s a huge part of my life, but I would not say that it was my life. I would say that it’s an important, intractable part of my life, though.
In the first decade of my study, I had an inferiority complex. When I went to my teacher’s home studio’s yearly Lunar New Year demo, I would be filled with awe at what her classmates could do. I was intimidated and wondered if I would ever be that good.
Clarification: many of her classmates love the weapons the way I do. There’s one who has studied for roughly as long as I have, but is much further along. There’s another whose dedication to the sword is legend (and whose Sword Form is exquisite), and another who was slightly ahead of me in terms of which weapons they were demoing.
While watching the last demo, I had a few realizations. First, I was on par with several of the people demoing. I no longer had to feel like an imposter. There were two people besides my teacher and my teacher’s teacher whom I would say were clearly better than I was (the two I mentioned above), but the others were at par with me or even not as good.
(I have included a really cool Double Sword Form below. Not in my lineage, but amazing, nonetheless.)
I’m not trying to say I’m great or anything likke that. Believe me, I had the esteem beaten out of me at a very young age. It was from both my cultures, really. American culture is very hard on girls, but Taiwanese culture is doubly so. Not just on girls, on all children, but girls especially.
I would say for the first ten years of my Taiji study, I thought I was just fumbling along. It did not matter how many forms I knew, I was still a dilettante in my brain. Why? Because that’s another legacy of Taiwanese culture–you either excelled,, or you failed. Hm. Come to think of it, it’s the same in American culture. “Give 110%”, “2nd place is 1st loser”, and all that disgusting ilk. You were either first, or you were nothing.
Taiji was the antithesis of this. My teacher told me over and over again that Taiji was about using the minimal energy needed to get the maximum result. You were supposed to do less with more, and it’s a discipline you can do for your whole life. She had a student who was in her 90s and had dementia at the end. She had a student who had MS and was in a wheelchair. She had students with other ailments (including me, someone with a shitty immune system and someone who had died–twice).
I will say that the weapons are more strenuous, but still not in the American ‘no pain, no gain’ kind of way. Nothing about it is jarring or straining. Or rather, you should not be straining while doing anything in Taiji. Your movements should be smooth, easy, and continuous (for the most part). There is no starting and stopping. I mean, there are different ways to practice that include holding the posture for several counts, but in general, it should be a seamless transition from one movement to the next.
I’ve been working on so many weapons. Today, I did the Cane Form with my saber on the right side, and then I did the Cane Form with the cane on the left side (I always do this on Wednesday). Then, I thought, why not? I’ll see how far I can get with the Cane Form on the left side with the saber. And I was able to do the whole thing with a bit of help from watching the video of my teacher’s teacher do it.
I was surprised, honestly, that I was able to teach myself the whole left side in one day. I do have to clean it up, but it’s decent already. This is one of the biggest differences between now and a decade ago–I have confidence in myself now. Hell, even five years ago, I didn’t think I was that good at the weapons. And it’s only in the last six months or so that I would say (silently) that I’m…what’s above newbie and novice? But under expert? A quick Google gives me advanced beginner, but I’m going to lop off ‘beginner’ and stick with advanced.
I instinctively cringed when I wrote that. Yes, I am advanced, but it feels too much like I’m bragging on myself. Even though I’m only saying it in my head.
What is my favorite? The Double Saber Form. But I’m not sure that won’t change soon. I have been messing with a karambit and a fan at the same time. I am going to teach myself the rest of the Karambit Form soon. I am so happy about doing the Cane Form with a saber. And, at some point this year, I want to teach myself the Double Fan Form. A Double Fan Form, I should say.
What is my goal weapons-wise by the end of the year? To teach myself the Double Fan Form, the Karambit Form, and to (maybe) create a Karambit/Fan Form. I think that will be enough to learn for the rest of the year.
I like to set my goals low so I can easily surpass them. That’s what my brain appreciates..