When I was in my naughts, I hated life. My childhood was shit, and I thought I was shit. When I was seven, I realized I was going to die one day. That was also when I realized I wanted to die. Or rather, I did not want to be alive. That is a difference… Continue Reading
I have been studying Taiji for 16 years. It’s the lazy scholar’s martial art. It’s also an internal martial art. It’s about exerting as little energy as you can for the biggest results. It’s gentle and good for your health. Anyone can do it with ease, and if done properly, it will not hurt at… Continue Reading
New internal martial art, who dis? I’m kidding, of course. Taiji is my forever love, but there’s a new hotness in town caled Bagua. My teacher has practiced it for decades, and she showed me how to walk the circle with DeerHorn Knives ages ago. I was having horrific flashbacks while doing meditation, so my… Continue Reading
i just lost a tooth. An old decaying tooth, I think, but still. I think it had a crown on it, but also, sitll. I had not been to the dentist since before the pandemic and had just been about to make an appointment when the pandemic happened. Now, this is forcing my hand because…well,… Continue Reading
I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned in my 51 years on this earth. First, there were some things that my last therapist told me that have stuck with me. Before I was tthinking about moving to the East Bay in order to attend grad school, I was obsessing over all the negative things that… Continue Reading
I have had a bad week. I fell twice; both times were completely my fault. The first time, I was walking from the couch to the kitchen with my NYT crossword puzzle soup mug with ginger honey lemon tea in it (cold) in hand. I stumbled over something and sent the mug flying. It’s thick,… Continue Reading
When I first started Taiji, my teacher talked about plateaus. Most Americans are not comfortable with no growth because we are very much a ‘do more’ society. You see it at work in that most places of employment push you to move upwards, whether you want to or not. I read about it at Ask… Continue Reading
I hated Taiji when I first started studying it. I had a teacher before my current one, and he was terrible. Flat-out terrible. I only went to him because a friend of mine was enamored with him (he has a very cultlike personality, and my friend needed a father-figure desperately as his own had been… Continue Reading
I have a Taiji confession to make. I do not like the Long Solo Form. This is the basis for everything we do, and it’s the first thing I was taught by my teacher fifteen years ago. I hated it then and resisted it with all my might. I questioned my teacher every step of… Continue Reading
I finished the Fan Form! And by finished I mean teaching it to myself. I started it after my medical trauma–two months after at least–and taught it to myself in…six months? Five? Probably more the latter than the former. Either way, I’m super proud of myself–I just looked it up. I got the videos from… Continue Reading