Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: Double Sword Form

Happy birthday to me

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Today (yesterday by the time this is posted) is my birthday. I normally don’t give a shit even though I no longer hate it. I care much more about my re-birthday (the day of my medical crisis), but as I said to Ian (who wished me a  happy birthday and said he knew I cared more about my re-birlthday), I would not have a re-birthday if I didn’t have my birthday. I got several sweet messages, which warmed my heart. For the first time in ages, I didn’t actually dread my birthday. I talked to K for hours, which really did my heart and soul good. She is my soul sibling, and we connect on so many levels. I talked to my parents (fine), and my Taiji teacher sent me a nice message, too. And, much to my surprise, my brother’s GF sent me an email as well.

I have no idea how she knew! My brother doesn’t even wish me a happy birthday every year. Honestly, I’m not sure he knows what day it is exactly. I figured the way it came up was this. Anyone who knows me well knows that my re-birthday is more important to me. I celebrate it and mention it way more than my actual birthday (which is ZERO for the latter). I consider myself three-and-a-half years old rather than fifty….four? Yeah, that’s how old I am now. Where the hell has the time gone? The reason I’m not sure is because sometime around the beginning of the year, I add another year to my age. Why? No idea. So I’m never really sure how old I am. In Taiwanese culture, you’re one at birth, so that might be part of it? Dunno.

I used to hate my birthday because it reminded me of all the ways I’ve failed in life. Another year of futility. Yay. That’s so great. The only funny thing is that wehn I joined Facebook, you had to put your birthday and it was displayed no matter what. There was no way around it. So I put a fake birthday–some random day in January. Then I immediately forgot about it–until that day rolled around. I got dozens of happy birthdays on my Facebook wall, which tickled me immensely.

Once Facebook took away that requirement (that it had to be public), I put the real date–I think? Anyway, I stopped hating it a few years before my medical crisis. I became truly neutral about it (not studied neutral like I had been about my body, which meant not neutral at all), but I wasn’t positive. Now, I’m just grateful that I have people in my life who love me. No, I still don’t care about my actual birthday, but I care that other people care about me.

It lifted me, I will admit. To have that many people wish me a happy birthday, I mean. Well, except for my parents. That’s much more complicated, but I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to bring down my mood.


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Weapons as a way of life

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I’m back on the weapon forms tip because I’m obsessed with them. It’s my entire life, and I want to talk about it all the time. It being weapon forms, I mean. Today, I went through the entire Swimming Dragon Form (not a weapon form in and of itself), and I am pretty comfortable with it. I think I will start looking at the Bagua Deerhorn Knives Form that Sifu does (included below) this week. In a few days. The gerat thing is that the first minute is the walking the circle that my teacher taught me for meditation. The form that follows is not anything like the Swimming Dragon Form, which excites me.

I also looked at the Double Fan Form. This is an actual form, and I have seen several people doing the same form (with minor tweaks), so I’m guessing that this is the official Yang-style Double Fan Form. I ilke that because then I canlearn it without wondering if it’s a good form or not. I don’t mind learning forms that aren’t official or that were created by Sifu (or one of his students). However, it’s nice to throw an official form into the mix.

I found a video of one instructor who has a split screen as she’s slowly doing the form. It shows both the front and back view in the same video. And she’s going slowly, which I really appreciate. I did the first few movements, but my brain was just not grasping it. So I put it away until tomorrow. I am not trying to push my way through no matter what. I have so much on my plate, weapons-wise, I don’t mind taking my time with any one form.

There is also another video teaching the Double Fan Form step by step. I may look into that one because I have questions as I go. I’m not frustrated, but I do think this is going to be harder than I anticipated. I learned the Double Saber Form before my medical crisis, and I’m not sure that I can learn another double weapon form without really breaking it all down.

I am also messing with…not a Double Sword Form, but using two sords for our Sword Form. Sifu told my teacher that one should focus on the helping hand as much as the main hand, and that you can put a sword in that helping hand as well.

That shit is hard. I’ve tried it, and suddenly, everything I know about the helping hand has gone the window. Once it has a sword in it, it no longer feels like it’s helping. I do the Sword Form on both sides, which I think is part of the problem, too. When I have a sword in my hand, I think of it as the dominant hand. Plus, the helping hand is usually two fingers pointing forward, so it’s strange to have a sword instead.


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Let’s talk even more about martial arts, gender, and whatever

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I had a private lesson today with my teacher. After griping about the state of the world around us,* we talked about me working on different weapon forms. Her teacher is very excited that I’m so into weapons and has said that I’m welcome to any of his classes. I would love to take a weapon class from him, but I have to sort out my lack-of-driving situation. In addition, as I told my teacher, if I did attend a class in person, it would be hers.

I miss attending class in person. It’s not terrible to do it online, but it can’t compare. My brother and I were talking about self-driving cars, and he said it would be good for me. We talked specifically about the Tesla one, but I refuse to buy a Tesla as long as that man (I wrote mad. Not far from the truth) is connected to it at all.

I would like the freedom to get places, though. My eyes are terrible. My reflexes suck. I have no periphery. Freeways are the worst. I haven’t been on one in quite some time. I do need to think about a self-driving car because it could change my life.

Back to the weapons.

Well, let’s talk about the Swimming Dragon Form first. I am so near the end, I can taste it. My teacher helped me out with the latest movement I’m working on in that form. Since Bagua is so new to me, I have to have some beginner’s tips. The good thing is that because I’ve studied Taiji, I have a base to at least do decently on another internal martial art.

My teacher was talking about how her teacher’s teacher, the grandmaster of Liu Ho Pa Fa, another internal martial art. When he was younger, he had no use for Taiji. He thought it was too soft and had no use in combat.

Oh, by the way, here’s the link from yesterday.

Back to Grandmaster Choi. He had his mind changed (not sure how), and now he has a Taiji form. As my teacher explained it to me (or I interpreted it this way), he has a few core truths (like all movements should be combat-based) that he has incorporated into all his forms. A quote from him: “No form. Human form.” In other words, he doesn’t care so much about structure and such.

Funnily enough, as I was looking for a video with him in it, the one I found (and included below) is from my teacher’s teacher.


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