I have been thinking a lot about my mother lately because her calls of desperation have come more frequently–almost once a week. Every phone call follows the same pattern. She asks me how I’m doing, then brushes over any response other than ‘fine’. This is not unusual for her. She doesn’t really care how I… Continue Reading
It’s time. My brother has left me his little camera, and it’s time to get shooting. I have a hatred of pictures and videos, which has been lifelong. Brief primer: I have been fat for most of my life–except for the two times I deal with anorexia (and bulimia the first time). Well, to go… Continue Reading
When I was in the hospital, I had a chat with the chaplain. I was not asked if I wanted to have this chat beforehand, but I did not mind. At that point with all the drugs pumping through my veins, I would have talked with anyone. He told me that I may feel survivor’s… Continue Reading
At Ask A Manager today, she has an interview with a ‘decision coach’. She invented the term and the job, even though there are other people who do similar things. It was an interesting read because I am he ruler of not making a decision. Ever. I hate making decisions. I dawdle endlessly until I… Continue Reading
I have mentioned more than once that I have a hard time communicating with people. I don’t have a hard time talking to them because I have a very good EQ. I know how to meet people on their level and quickly adjust my language to reflect that. What I have difficulty doing sometimes, however,… Continue Reading
My brother is great at starting a project. If he wants to do something, he just jumps in and does it. He may not finish it. He may put it in the reject pile at some point. But he will move on with ease to the next project and not think twice about it. Me,… Continue Reading
I’ve written about how my self-esteem has skyrocketed since my medical crisis. In general, I am happier with myself. My depression has disappeared almost completely and my anxiety is reduced by roughly 60%. Considering that I first wanted to die when I was seven, this is a massive improvement for me. In addition, all my… Continue Reading
I am not a contrarian. Not deliberately so, anyway. I know that my mother believes I do it on purpose, but I really don’t. It’s not like I wake up and choose violence. I don’t think, “Hm, what is the most contrary position I can take?” and then voice that. My mother once said to… Continue Reading
It’s been a year since I had my medical crisis/trauma, and it’s for me to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I gave myself six months to adjust to life after the hospital, which has just drifted into a year. It was difficult when my parents were here… Continue Reading
I have waxed on and on about how great life has been since I woke up a year ago, and it is. However. In the RKG Discord last night, we were talking about romantic problems and one person said that barring a big life event, people didn’t change. I amended it to that people can… Continue Reading